In It To Win It, Not Bin It

It would seem that great old British tradition of school's sports day is upon us. (I know other countries have these also so don't get picky). Now some schools are scrapping 1st Place so that every child is equal and they don't feel the shame of coming 3rd or God forbid last! As is commonly said in interwebz speak WTF? We are in danger (real rattlensake bite type danger) of raising a bunch of lily livered pansies and baby poofs. There is no learning on that path, let me tell you.
If the great Michael Schumacher had thought like this he would never have been seven times world champion. Ditto Sir Steve Redgrave or any other sporting champion you care to name.
YOU NEED THE DESIRE TO BE FIRST IN ORDER TO WIN.

A winners ass yesterday

Children are not stupid. They know if they've come last, and they will not be fobbed off with guff like, "its okay, you came 5th but you're still a winner!" What utter nonsense! No they don't feel like a winner because if they've come 5th in a race they bloody well know it was 5th and not 1st, and no amount of pussyfooting around will stop them feeling like sh!t.
I took part in plenty of school's sports days and had my share of 4th places, and it did me no harm. In fact it spurred me on to do better the next time it came around. Telling children (and adults) that everything is equal is not natural and robs people of a thirst to succeed. Better to face it head on; you are going to have bad days and failures, that is where most of Life's lessons are learned. Your spirit will thank you for understanding this.

Honey, We're Having Guest For Dinner

It being a thoroughly wet Sunday afternoon (trust me, it doesn't get more desperate) boredom has landed on my shoulders like a giant cabbage and is very nearly crushing me into a poetical pancake. So what better than to compile a list of people who I would wish as dinner guests over on my green and woolly estate. I shall not restrict it to only the living because that would be terribly stuffy, and besides the dead make for better company. (Especially the stiffs I have in mind.)
On the menu would be an eclectic mix of roasted meats such as goose, pheasant, quail, beef and pork, together with various fast foods like fried chicken and Big Macs. Also on offer would be a selection of traditional Welsh, Greek and Italian food. And a bowl of carrots and mashed potato.
The bar of course would be well stocked, more whisky than anything else. Laphroaig, Glenfarcias, Macallan and Talisker. Then there would be Wild Turkey, Jagermeister, Courvoisier, Otard, and a range of gin and ports. Those not drinking would be offered lager and those cheap Bacardi Breezer type rubbish. Hardly any alcohol in those drinks so the tee totallers would be fine.
To set the scence there would be death metal and opera on the jukebox and hardcore pornograhy splashed over the 100" LCD screen. (I find LCD better than Plasma for pornography as the lines are too dark with plasma.)
And just to be sure of a relaxing evening I would have bowls scattered around the banqueting table filled with assorted benzodiazepines. I find the tongue wags in earnest under the misty spell of these chalked wonders.
So now that everything is in place, lets move onto the guests.

Welsh poet R.S. Thomas. A fine poet and Welsh nationalist, he was also a lover of birds (not the sort poets are usually a fan of) and wildlife which him a lot like myself and if things turned ugly over the feast, im sure he would make a great ally.

Wilfrid Brambell. An Irish actor best known for his role as Steptoe in the British sitcom Steptoe & Son. Id love for him to turn up in this role, it would be a scream!

William Shakespeare. No introduction needed here and who wouldn't want the great Will over for dinner? If only a shade of his awesomeness rubbed off on me I would be a happy man. Also I would love to hear his views on the internet (and pornography.)

Bruce Lee. Normally I run from cultural icons as most of the people considered icons are not. But this guy most definately IS. A truly inspiring man. He was not simply a kung fu action hero, he was a philosopher, martial arts instructor, film director/producer, screenwriter, and founder of the Jeet Kune Do martial art. He is rightly considered one of the most influential martial artists of the 20th century. And he probably would prefer the 'lighter' drinks available to not ruin his God~like physique.

Mary Millington. A British model and pornographic 'actress' who sadly comitted suicide when she was 33. A very beautiful woman and to me there was something more to her than what she was famous for. She had 'soul', I can see it in her eyes.

Mary Millington: Real beauty

Brendan Behan. Irish playwright who penned The Quare Fellow amongst others. Nevermind about the IRA connections (were I from his neck of the woods im sure I would have been alongside him) he was a fine boyo who liked a drink, kindred spirits. Passionate about his country and tippling.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Poet and pal of Willie Wordsworth. Coleridge was knowledgable on a wide range of subjects and was well known in his ability to discuss them all at length. Also a dab hand at imbibing opium. His poetry is some of the finest I have ever read.

Frank Buckland. He was a surgeon and a naturalist who had a very curious palate (not too mention a strong stomach) and would eat almost anything. Viper, buttered mice, panther, rhinocerous, alligator, giraffe, puppies. This all makes him sound like an animal hater but nothing could be further from the truth. He shared his home with an assortment of wild animals from monkeys to slow worms and loved them all. My type of guy.

Hank Williams. Country singer hooked on morphine and alcohol, dead by the grand old age of 29. The coroner said he looked 60. Enough said.

Jack Sheppard. A notorious English robber, burglar and thief of early 18th century who had a knack for escaping even the most secure gaols. He was hanged at Tyburn for his thievery. Interesting lad.

Keith Moon. Drummer in The Who and legendary hellraiser. Enjoyed a snifter of brandy too (amongst other things.) Moonie shares his birthday with me, alongside several other more 'colourful' habits. This might be a mistake if he started droning on about The Beatles as he was sometimes wont to do. Something we definately do not share.

Lord Rokeby. Matthew Robinson Morris, who became the second Lord Rokeby in 1793 at the age of 81, was an intelligent, widely read Englishman. He was highly democratic in his political views and a great believer in the equality of mankind. But he had a number of eccentricities that puzzled his contemporaries. Like almost living his whole life bobbing about in water. He believed water was a true elixir to good health and survived on that and beef tea.