Oscar's Ladies

Last night as you read here yesterday was Oscar night, and according to most sensible media types it was a generally drab affair. It seems most of the issues were with the presenters but I cannot comment as I was having a threesome in dreamland with Susan Sarandon and Tori Amos. Yes I DO have wonderful dreams.
Neither am I qualified to talk about the films that were up for a shout because im quite sure I haven't watched any of them. So where exactly am I able to throw in my penn'orth worth about this movie themed bash? One word: women.
The Oscars are afterall where all the pretty people go right? Well this is what I thought until I caught a glimpse of the photos from the front line.
And before I start I would like to point out that im not trying to be 'sensationalist' or 'controversial', im too honest for that rubbish. Im just me here.
Last nights ceremony had some of the plainest looking ladies ever to trot on a red carpet. I know I have a taste for more mature ladies but who can blame me if the young fillies attending the 2011 Oscars were anything to go by? Half of them I had never even heard of! Mila Kunis. Who she? Ditto Jennifer Lawrence and Michelle Williams. Never heard of them. No really.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Halle Berry, I have always thought of as rather plain. Cate Blanchet can look pretty fine when she wants to but she looked uninspired at last nights do.


Marisa looking smokin'!

Scarlet Johansson who seems to have been hailed by most as THE current face of beauty has never floated my boat, likewise Penelope Cruz. When she first arrived on the movie scene I quite liked (see 'fancy') Sandra Bullock but nowadays she reminds me of Pinochio. I also used to have a fondness for Sharon Stone (and not because of THAT movie,) she used to be foxy but the photo I saw of her at the 83rd mutual masterbation club, Ms Stone looked like she had just chewed on a live electrical cable.
Now to be fair im sure it can become a chore having a hundred zoom lenses shoved in your face, I know it would tip me over the edge, but they are movie stars afterall. Shouldn't they be used to it?


Marry me Helen!

But enough! Let me now turn to the truly gorgeous ladies who turned up. They were a little thin on the ground but boy they looked stunning! And I have actually heard of these. *Shocker*
Natalie Portman, looked quite lovely as usual. I remember seeing her in The Phantom Menace and feeling very awkward for lusting after her because she was only 16 at the time. Very weird for my usual tastes.
Another hottie was the delightful Marisa Tomei. She is as near to my perfect woman as anyone can be without actually being Dame Helen Mirren. Which is nice as Dame Helen was also in attendance, and as you can see from the above piccy, she was her usual jaw~droppingly beautiful self. I have no doubts that this Dame will continue to look this good even if she lives to be 100!
Now I realise the Oscars isn't a beauty contest and no doubt some women will be offended by my reducing it to such a thing, while ignoring the acting talent on offer but try to cut me a little slack here. Im a poet and the thing which is etched more boldly than anything else on a poet's heart is lust. Just ask Keats.
Oh and best looking guy? Christian Bale. Well what do you expect? He's Welsh!