Carpet Walkers

Hi, im Sissy Screengrabber

 

Why do people insist on waiting outside arenas and such, just to watch celebrities walk on some silly red carpet and attend award shows like the recent GQ Awards? It seems so....pathetic to me, and not at all how supposed civilised, sentinet beings should behave. Go to any newspaper website with a GQ Award story (or watch live coverage of a film premier) and there you will see pictures of them, grinning mobs waving mobile phones around and screeching some famous persons name like they were the Messiah. I suspect if ever I met one of these nitwits in a pub, I would get a better conversation with Mr Screengrabber up there. He looks less sinister too.
In this celebrity obssessed age, I really should accept that this has become the 'norm' for such sad behaviour but I don't want to damn it! I refuse to believe (as much as I am able) that a race of beings who included Leonardo Da Vinci and William Shakespeare in their number, could be so excited and even smitten by the mere sight of somebody who happens to be in the public eye. "Yippee! Angelina Jolie just walked past!" Come on now people, this is not a big deal. Or even a small deal. Surely you have a better life (and mind) than this? Please say you do!
And as for the GQ Awards, Nancy Dell'Olio at 51 years of age made the rest of the women (half her age) look quite plain and 'plastic baggy'.   

Oscar's Ladies

Last night as you read here yesterday was Oscar night, and according to most sensible media types it was a generally drab affair. It seems most of the issues were with the presenters but I cannot comment as I was having a threesome in dreamland with Susan Sarandon and Tori Amos. Yes I DO have wonderful dreams.
Neither am I qualified to talk about the films that were up for a shout because im quite sure I haven't watched any of them. So where exactly am I able to throw in my penn'orth worth about this movie themed bash? One word: women.
The Oscars are afterall where all the pretty people go right? Well this is what I thought until I caught a glimpse of the photos from the front line.
And before I start I would like to point out that im not trying to be 'sensationalist' or 'controversial', im too honest for that rubbish. Im just me here.
Last nights ceremony had some of the plainest looking ladies ever to trot on a red carpet. I know I have a taste for more mature ladies but who can blame me if the young fillies attending the 2011 Oscars were anything to go by? Half of them I had never even heard of! Mila Kunis. Who she? Ditto Jennifer Lawrence and Michelle Williams. Never heard of them. No really.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Halle Berry, I have always thought of as rather plain. Cate Blanchet can look pretty fine when she wants to but she looked uninspired at last nights do.


Marisa looking smokin'!

Scarlet Johansson who seems to have been hailed by most as THE current face of beauty has never floated my boat, likewise Penelope Cruz. When she first arrived on the movie scene I quite liked (see 'fancy') Sandra Bullock but nowadays she reminds me of Pinochio. I also used to have a fondness for Sharon Stone (and not because of THAT movie,) she used to be foxy but the photo I saw of her at the 83rd mutual masterbation club, Ms Stone looked like she had just chewed on a live electrical cable.
Now to be fair im sure it can become a chore having a hundred zoom lenses shoved in your face, I know it would tip me over the edge, but they are movie stars afterall. Shouldn't they be used to it?


Marry me Helen!

But enough! Let me now turn to the truly gorgeous ladies who turned up. They were a little thin on the ground but boy they looked stunning! And I have actually heard of these. *Shocker*
Natalie Portman, looked quite lovely as usual. I remember seeing her in The Phantom Menace and feeling very awkward for lusting after her because she was only 16 at the time. Very weird for my usual tastes.
Another hottie was the delightful Marisa Tomei. She is as near to my perfect woman as anyone can be without actually being Dame Helen Mirren. Which is nice as Dame Helen was also in attendance, and as you can see from the above piccy, she was her usual jaw~droppingly beautiful self. I have no doubts that this Dame will continue to look this good even if she lives to be 100!
Now I realise the Oscars isn't a beauty contest and no doubt some women will be offended by my reducing it to such a thing, while ignoring the acting talent on offer but try to cut me a little slack here. Im a poet and the thing which is etched more boldly than anything else on a poet's heart is lust. Just ask Keats.
Oh and best looking guy? Christian Bale. Well what do you expect? He's Welsh!

Oscar....Who He?

With the amount of tripe Hollybored churns out these days, im quite suprised this Oscar thingy is still around but hey ho as The Ramones used to say, these awards have come around again and tonight some fancy hall will be filled with actors and directors while thousands of oiks with nothing better to do sit around gawking at them. And no doubt dreaming of the poncey...sorry LOVELY clothes being shown off. (No accounting for some peoples taste.)


the new Frannsters award

I can't comment on the films being nominated because quite franky dear reader I don't know a thing about it. I long since gave up on movies having the power to entertain me but no doubt Clint Eastwood is up for something as he is one of the very few actors/directors left who is any good. (When Eastwood eventually shuffles off his mortal coil, the movie world will feel a loss such as its never felt before, mark this writers words.)
But whoever wins, I won't be tuning in because the time difference means that by the time the people have plonked their finely toned derriere's onto the plush seats, I will be safely in the arms of Morpheus visiting a paradise that no Hollywood director or artist could ever dream up.
I do wonder what television viewers get out of watching this sort of thing. Is it to ogle at the so called 'beautiful' people? To drool over their clothes and cleavage? Or are they supporting their favourite film? A film they had nothing whatsoever to do with apart from gain a few pounds from shovelling popcorn into their gobs when watching it. Why was this circus ever televised in the first place? A silly question to ask in these celebrity ravaged days of course, when everything an actor does is lapped up by the ignorant masses but im fairly suprised it got air time in times past. We haven't always been so moronically obssessed with fame. Have we?