Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts

Sunday, 29 November 2020

Today, Of Tomorrow

Alcohol is my default. Drunkeness a refuge for the insecurities and bitterness that dwell in these bones, indeed my very soul. Alcoholics (we rabid, wild flowers), regard intoxication as medicine who crave it as instinctively as breathing. To be born an addict, as there is no choice in this matter, is to be born with a heavy, persistant darkness that one learns quickly can be made bearable through liberal use of alcohol or pills (or both). So fast is this knowledge one is tempted to be overly dramatic with descriptions of angels and divine solutions but truth is more mundane, fact is that self preservation is as much part of the human fabric as any fraility and the minute we boozers get a taste of our 'medicine', addiction sets in. A wretched journey of despair, pain, lies, loathing and filth. A journey not everyone survives. In fact, I would wager more die from addiction than are accounted for because by its nature it is a disease that instills secrecy.

Today, Of Tomorrow 

 All of the horrors are given and known, have been lived through time and time again, yet the temptation of another drink remains. Not small and insignificent, harmless in the background but lurking on every thread of thought, constant in its danger to sobriety. A relentless bloodlust that should I ever lessen my grip on sobriety will ravish my soul with unspeakable terrors, as it has many times before. Sobriety isn't a natural state for me, in years distant I have used my powers of manipulation and deceit to avoid it at any cost. Today I am five years clean but its not game over. It is never game over. There is too high consequence in wanting a drink today. There is never a today. Today in drink becomes tomorrow in drink, and tomorrow after that, on and on it slides into oblivion. Like thousands of other alcoholics, the trickster becomes the tricked. The grain mistress has no equal when it comes to seductive poisons.

 Ode to Zero

 Alas I must refrain from pretty words for fear of getting distracted and this would be fatal with this disease. To put it bluntly: there are those of us where tomorrow must cease to exist. There can be no healing finish line in this race. The minute I allow to trust in tomorrow, is when things get dark. Get grim and bloody. Tomorrow is a new slate, a reset and if I believe in those, I am in danger today. Too many times I have indulged today, believing tomorrow was a new day that wouldn't bring the craving and therefore I would be safe. Alcoholism doesn't do safe. It wants you to trust. It wants to be an old friend. It wants you to put faith in it. And we all fall down.

Monday, 17 December 2012

The Gun Jaws and Changes

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First things first, yes you read the title correct. Im being 'artsy', forgive me, sometimes I can't resist it.
Secondly I understand the "right to bear arms" but before we bear arms here, sit and bear with me a while. Thank you.

The husband of the US politician Gabrielle Giffords, who was shot in Arizona, has called for action on America's gun laws following the latest mass shooting where 26 people were killed, 20 of them children. And I understand how Mr Giffords must feel (we never learn) but is now the time?
Shouldn't we be thinking about those who perished? Souls gone way before their time, before they even had chance to breathe proper?
As for doing what Mr Giffords suggests, America will have to either change their mindset to maybe a Swiss model (own guns but one of safest countries regarding gun crime), or introduce much tighter gun controls in the near future. It can be done. We managed to successfully ban smoking (almost) everywhere and tobacco was equally as widespread, powerfully lobbied for, and supported by the majority.
All it would take is a prolonged campaign to change the public mindset toward firearms and gun ownership. Until then, America will always have to deal with these kind of bloody shootings. Worse it will get im afraid but alas, Mankind seems to enjoy mourning, we never learn a damned thing. All that happens is prayers and flowery photographs will be shared on social media, some will weep a little but like the other massacres that went before it, most people will forget and carry on. They always do. And the saddest part is that sympathy is diluted by events we are doomed to repeat. Heres the general feeling from the rest of the world right now:

"Listening to the Americans online I give up. Its ridiculous. Who cares anymore? Let them have their precious right to bear arms and we will just watch in horror as they kill each other. If the needless slaughter of their own children with legally bought battlefield grade weaponry in a primary school doesn't change their views, frankly nothing ever will."

People are frustrated and angry, grief is paused while the world digests this latest terrible episode in its history. We understand how Americans feel about the 2nd Amendment, "the right to bear arms". We get it we really do but when we hear about protecting homes from home invasions etc one cannot fail to wonder if our friends across the pond spend too much time living in fear. And I wonder if a person can truly see themselves as free if they live in such fear?
Its not all doom however because Dai Jakes has been buoyed by hope this morning on hearing what President Obama has said; "These tragedies have to end, and to end them we must change. We, as a nation, are left with hard questions."
Yes you are, and I for one dont envy you at all. You must be prepared for Change (capital C.) I just pray its not more heavy rhetoric from a politician eager to soothe the pain of a nation. (I want them to be soothed but not by a paper tongue.) I love the United States and hate how it is being judged so poorly/harshly during these awful days of anguish by other countries citizens. They'll say they care not of course but don't believe it. They care, just as we do for them.
I dont wish to see a total ban on firearms (though in the same breath im glad we don't have this fear to need to rely on weapons here in the UK.) Just stricter controls on the damned things. Is this really too much to ask in the wake of this latest incident?

*By the way as a footnote; most people would be hesitant to shoot an intruder in their home, especially when confronted with real danger of losing their own life. (And the simple fact that its not easy taking a persons life, even if they are putting you at peril.) The average gun toting home owner is more likely to be the one on the sorry end.