Refuge Of The Question Marks

Yes sir, those are REAL crickets

So it has arrived on our screens once again like a persistant boil but with added gloop. Yep the dreadful "Im A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" is back courtesy of ITV. Gee thanks guys! I feel all warm inside like Christmas. (Or something like that.) Now I know people still watch it because Twitter and Facebook tell me so, but like many other reality television progs I am still at an utter loss as to WHY they tune in? Is it because we (or rather you) like to watch some bottom of the barrel 'celebrity' eat raccoon balls in order to try and salvage a thread of a flagging (see: dead) career? Or is it to ogle juicy but vacant young women in bikinis? Or do you simply like like jungles?
It may be all three of those of course but Dai Jakes has started to think its because everyone has gotten bored. Numbed from 24 hour entertainment, we (or you) are content to sink into the bubble gum sofa and watch while some has-been (who was never that popualr even in their hey day) swims through sh*t and munches on beetle heads. Come on now admit it, its not very good is it? If you want to see folk doing dumb things just surf on over to Youtube and voila! (Heck even the Official Dai Jakes channel has me eating insects on it from Manor House nr Tenby. See above pic.)
It will always suprise me how successful reality telly has been, I mean its not even remotely exciting. (But like I said people are numbed by it all.) I watched a few 'episodes' of "Im A Celebrity" when it first started (around 2004?) and within ten minutes was struck down by boredom and gave it two series at best. Quite clearly I underestimated my fellow mans appetite for garbage, or how potent the negative effects of television are. At this point im convinced folk would watch grass grow if it was endorsed by a Z List bimbo. You think I exaggerate? Then explain to me why they are tuning in via the internet and extra channels just to watch these airheads sleep? I couldn't believe it when I was informed of this so I went to see for myself and there it was! Night cameras focusing on slumbering frames and flying gnats. Unbelievable! Im telling you right here, right now that "Grass Grow TV" is coming to a screen near you in the not so distant future.

You read it here first folks. Now if you'll excuse me, im off to count the pages of a telephone directory.

Dear Rest of the World

More Bony Bum than Boney M

MTV have a new reality television show (haven't we got enough of these by now?) called 'The Valleys', and it is supposed to show real life here in Wales. Being a proud Welshman I felt it my duty to defend my beautiful country. Please world, don't be fooled! This show might be an accurate depiction of a friday and saturday night in the cities (and thats any UK city not just Wales) where trampy, self indulgent women and vain men wallow in fake tan and kebab grease, but its certainly not a true reflection on the rest of this country. And to think that even if a single person outside Wales believes The Valleys is typical of all Welshmen and women is extremely depressing.
Real reality check ~ most decent Welshies are embarrassed over this show and are weeping into our cawls that we are being portrayed as crass, lewd thickos who do nothing but dream of fame and fortune all day. One of the shows bimbos even admits that her boyfriend keeps her, while she searches for her slice of the celebrity pie. Another said, “it’s not for old people, for nannas and stuff. If you’ve got a bum like me, let me tell you it’s banging, so get it out.” Dear me, put the bony looking thing away love and where is the OFF button?
This NOT Wales. This is not real Wales. This a snapshot of the deluded minds of teenagers throughout Britain (and probably the rest of the world.) Watch it by all means, but watch it as it should be watched, like a piece of silly entertainment and not as a real glimpse of Welsh life. Think of it more The Hills Have Eyes than The Valleys.