Betray the Wind

My name is Despair

Paul Gascoigne is a doomed man. I fear he has reached the point of no return, I really do. A paper recently ran a story claiming that the ex footballer is "hooked on a mix of valium and strong lager," and pictured him buying booze at 11am. It also said that 'Gazza' has told his friends: "The one thing I can't live without in my life is a drink. I know I have to stop boozing but I simply can’t."
If this is true (lets face it tabloids are hardly gospel) then all the help being offered to him is hopeless. This is one battle that nobody can fight for him and unless he hits a 'moment of clarity' soon, real soon, he will be dead before 50. Killed by the bottle like that other gifted footballer, George Best. He was another man who believed alcoholism was a fight he could leave to others to sort out. Then he died, and Gascoigne will too unless he has a drastic turnaround. Believe me, alcohol is no fun to those unfortunates to whom it sinks its lethal claws. In moderation it can be beneficial to health, while in excess it becomes as destructive as any class A drug (more so perhaps because it seems to affect more organs but i'll leave that to experts.)
It is always terribly sad to see any person in such a state but the truth is like I have already said, nobody can save himelf can actually save him from himself. I know only too well the agony and despair of alcoholism, and I also know the loss of losing a loved one through it. It is vile, capable of hanging, drawing and quartering the very spirit of a human being. And to those who call Gascoigne a worthless drunk with no self control, think again. He is in a place right now where I would not wish my worst enemy to be. A dreadful place with bleak never ending walls wherever one turns, that choke light and swallow hope. I know because I have been there many times. Nobody would willingly put themselves in this hole; no fun is to be found there for as sure as alcohol can give a 'normal' person a glow of happiness and well being, to someone in the pits of addiction it offers only cold stings and sickly barbs that pull at flesh and make it hard to carry on.
Football hero he might be, I have no love for the sport so im not aware of Gascoigne's 'genius', but I do care for my fellow man when I see him suffering and I wish him all the strength and courage in the world because he needs it right now. He really does.

Francis' Folly for Harder Candy

Valium?

I would be lying if I said I ordered these Valium to write a piece of investigative journalism. It would be utter bull droppings. No, I sought them out over the interwebz and bought them because I like Valium. I like most pills of this kind. I make no excuses over it, and use them as I do alcohol.
Over the past few decades I have been prescribed quite a few benzodiazepines for various reasons and I got to enjoy them. Lots.
So what is one of the first things I did when I got hooked up to the interwebz? Look for porn sure, but the next thing I went surfing for was Valium. Im blissfully incorrigible and looked at the internet as my personal debauched playground, filled with XXX Candy and other things you wouldn't want your dear old Mum finding out.
Two countries that stood out in their sales of 'downers' (benzos) were China and Mexico, and as the latter were cheaper, I opted to go Mexicana, chico. (Who's Chico?) I knew there was danger of fraud before I popped my credit card details in but alas $40 for 100 tablets was to great a temptation for the Pill Monster inside and so I ordered away, already excited by the Vailum buzzing that awaited.
They took around 5 weeks to finally arrive (I admit I was getting jumpy after the third week, believing I had been conned) and when they did I was slighty under awed by the rubbish packaging which you can see for yourselves in the photos. I was expecting something a little more 'medical' looking and less amateurish. Still it was the high I was after and as soon as I opened them I swallowed 5. Nothing. 5 more. Still nada so I opened a beer to bring on the buzz. To cut a long story short I kept drinking and popping but depressingly I only felt the alcohol buzz. (Didn't stop me taking the entire 100 packet in 3 days mind).


Or laxatives?

After that bitter disappointment any right thinking individual would have put the experience down to having tried but bad luck and scrapped the idea of getting Valium online, but thinking rightly has never been my way (sometimes for both good and bad) so I found another pharmacist in Mexico and ordered another 100.
Now here is where I would liked to have written second time lucky but this batch of 'diazepam' were exactly the same duds as the previous pills. And yet I still took the whole packet, just as before! Like I said, incorrigible.
To add insult to injury, this 'chemist' also tried to take more money off my card after the charge for the crappy tablets so there was the hindrance of getting hold of the bank (have you tried that in this day and age?) and changing all of my details. A good thing however as I started to learn my lesson by then.
Looking back (this all happened in 2007) I can't believe how wreckless I was in handing over my credit card so easily, and taking 200 unknown pills. (Although having been a regular pill popper over the years I regard this as an occupational hazard.)
So my advice to anyone else thinking of getting their buzz on via this route would be forget it. Yes there might be legit pharmacists online who have the real deal medicines but there are too many cowboys and pirates who have also set their stalls out to be able to safely take the risk.