Festival Snores

A man in mud yesterday

Glastonbury music festival is sh!t. There, I have said it seeing as everyone else is either too fooled by it or too afraid to speak out through fear of being labelled 'uncool'. And its not just 'Glasto' but festivals in general. I went to the Phoenix festival in 1995 and had probably the worst three days Id ever spent in jolly old England (and believe me, there's been a few.) Sheer purgatory.
These things are nothing more than people desperately trying to cling on to a rapidly disappearing youth. Its not even about the bands anymore as capitalism runs rampant with company brands and logos splashed over everything. Like I said, sh!t.
Ive heard Glastonbury described thus: "a brilliant celebration of performing arts, the circus field, the comedy tents, all kinds of stuff going on." Yeah and lets not forget the botulism from bad, overpriced food, open drug dealing, spotty cretins thieving from tents, risk of ebola from visiting the toilets and locals lives being made a misery while the party is in town. A party which doesn't even sound right because the sound quality at festivals is generally pretty poor. I think ferret sound engineers from Outer Akinzaboola are involved.
Even my beloved former 'Monsters of Rock' event has morphed into the dreadful sounding 'Download' festival (and stretched over the obligatory 3 days.) Im not suggesting festivals have always been bad but for the past 15 years or so they have certainly lost the plot. Oh and for what its worth, I have always thought the artists that have appeared at Glasto have been more miss than hit. Just another 2 cents to consider. Now I realise this will be almost blasphemous to some people so Id better sign off as there is only enough sacrilege a man can take in one day.

iVote

Barack Obama has won a second term in the White House, congrats Mr President.
I only wish that Britons would be as excited about voting on our own shores as they were about the US election. Our youth especially rarely vote, certainly not in any significant numbers but in America to not vote is unthinkable. People all over wear badges that proudly claim “I voted”.
We need to be like that and get everyone to be more enthusiastic about voting and politics, afterall they will affect each of our lives in some way or other so we should care, even if just a tiny bit.
So how is it that the Obama/Romney circus managed to capture the imaginations of many in the UK (if Twitter was any judge) but folks are instantly bored with Prime Minister Cameron and co? I'll tell you in one word: razzamataz. When it comes to elections, America has it in spades while in Britain its sorely lacking, even sterile compared to the glitz and 'showmanship' we see in the United States. We are the best at pomp, ceremony and Royal pageants but dead in the water when it comes to stuffy old politics. Sure Big Ben and Houses of Parliment are iconic landmarks and stand tall as historic buildings but most of us couldn't care less what goes on inside.
It needs to change because as the world witnessed last night, this election buisness can be quite exciting if packaged right.

Under the Surgeon's Dice

Is that you Sharon?

After seeing yet more photographs of the rich and shameless and their plastic surgery (which really ought to be rebranded as 'grotesque surgery') in todays morning papers, I can only come to the same conclusion that I always did: attempting to defy the ageing process will turn you into something resembling a cross between a Garbage Pail Kid and a Boglin (Google them if you were born after 1990.)
Are these blockheads so blinded by (a frail) vanity that they cannot see the bubbling mess in the mirror staring back at them? Can anyone be so deluded? Why of course they can, but such is the fear of losing that touch of glamour, these wealthy oiks wont ever see past the illusion of the stunning 25 year old staring back in their reflection. Key word being ILLUSION. That older, more decrepid hag, peering over the 25 year olds slender shoulders, is brushed away and foolishly ignored.
The folly of the ever greying famous is that they truly believe money is able to halt time and while they wait for the code of the grand design of immortality to be cracked, they plaster over the wrinkles with botox bulldozners and pad out their pensioners skin with crooked sounding 'stay young' procedures. I won't name and shame the worst offenders because evidently they have no shame but im hopeful one or two will stumble across the Dai Jake's Book sometime and realise the sobering truth: most folks are not dazzled by your staggering beauty or fooled by con tricks to evade old age.
No, the majority only want to look at you with morbid curiosity. Like the times we used to watch public executions and circus freaks. Sad really, but then you'll never understand that. Botox made you deaf. Enjoy your new life as a gargoyle. Toodle pip!