Goodnight, Wes Craven

Horror at its brutal best

Ah, it had to happen. Wes Craven, director of some of the most iconic horror films has left us for the last great adventure in the sky. The young Dai Jakes grew up in the 1980s, when the summer blockbuster and slasher pics were born and A Nightmare on Elm Street was the first movie I lied about my age at the local video shop. Those were the days before this splendid beard and I was rather surprised my 14 year old baby face passed for 18. But im glad it did because it was the beginning of a love affair with horror films that was the perfect partner to my other love of heavy metal.
We could sit here and list classic 80s movies until teatime, and I doubt anybody would argue that the Elm Street films don't belong way up there on the shelf marked 'iconic'. Freddy Krueger is the Pac Man of its genre, sitting comfortably at the bar with fellow gore obsessed villains Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers (just don't go spilling their pint).
If I was to choose one Craven movie that stood out the most for me, it would be the Hills Have Eyes. Many say its not his best work but it stayed with me because it strayed into reality, the audience knew a scenario like that could actually happen and no matter how bad Freddy Krueger got, we knew no fiend could murder us in our dreams. Also there was the unforgettable Pluto played by Michael Berryman who was a popular bogeyman in many 80s films (still going in fact).

Anyway its best not to dwell too long in memories and eulogies, you can cheapen the words. Better to leave the great directors impressive body of work to do the talking. Im off to find out if Pluto is free for a date tonight in them thar hills.

Nos da/goodnight Wes, the world is the poorer this morning.

Cinderella's Shady Trail

As a gamer now for over three decades...hold on, let me say that again, gamer for over three decades gulp! *reaches for the Botox* It is fair to say that I have played more than my fair share of videogames. Ever since rescuing Xenon princess Roz in Zorgon's Revenge on the Oric 1 inbetween my half hearted attempts at homework, I was addicted (and despite what Daily Mail scribes would have you believe, videogames have never done me any harm).
During that time, I must have spent a gazillion hours shooting zombies, raiding toms and solving bizarre puzzles (cheers Silent Hill). And so its natural that from spending so much time with your pixelated hero/villain, a bond is forged. A bond which makes turning a successful game into an equally successful movie very difficult, and rarely is a director enough of an alchemist to pull it off. Indeed from all the game to film releases, it is only the Resident Evil movies that have held my interest (and even this is because I find them entertaining in their own right and not because they are equal to the cool of the videogames).
So when I heard about The Last of Us movie that is evidently in the works, my little 'ol heart, that heart which has shared many a nervous jump with Joel and Ellie, was not exactly thrilled. And who can blame me? I still shudder when anyone mentions Street Fighter and Kylie Minogue in the same sentence. And less said of Uwe Boll the better.
All the best men know. Even the genius that is Hideo Kojima, who is a major movie fan, will admit deep down to being a tad wary of turning his beloved Metal Gear Solid into a motion picture because he knows like the rest of us know, 9/10 films of games are garbage. Just drop the aforementioned Mr Boll's name into a conversation with Kojima san, you'll get the picture (or not if you happen to be Uwe Boll). Why do you think a MGS movie has not been made yet? Despite being offered multi million deals? Hideo understands man.
Like I said, we gamers forge a special bond with characters over many hours of play, and seeing those "magic moments" reduced to a 2 hour romp ruins it. Take games like Skyrim and Fallout 3 for example. How many hours do we spend in the company of our newly created badass? It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say 200+ hours. You go through many different challenges together, notching up a heroes portion of triumph (and deaths), and all personal to you the gamer. Were someone to come along and turn Skyrim into a fantasy film it would fail, and fail hard because none of your private victories would feature. All those little things you see/hear/feel as you clutch your controller and add up to make a unique overall experience is gone, replaced with a directors vision which so often feels like huge disappointment. No more hero than a bit part player relegated to the side lines, and to be blunt, it f**king SUCKS! Its almost like the movie is invading "our" space. (Similar to books but games go even deeper as they put YOU in the action).
So forgive my failure to get all hard and excited (ooer!) over another game-to-film cash grab, but history shows we videgame fans are always better off sticking with the game. We have too much time invested to see it be reduced a film extra.

That Don't Impress Me Much

First off, apologies to Shania for nicking your title, I don't usually do it (largely because im a great 'titler' myself) but hey there you go. I'll buy you a drink next time im in Canada okay? Right, thats out of the way.
3D film has come back with a vengeance (I seem to remember it first with Jaws 3D in the 80s) and even older movies are getting a lick of three dimensional paint but for all the fuss and hoo-ha, im not impressed with it. Take last night for example. I bought Piranha 3D (with the obligatory specs), opened a bottle of something nice and got ready to be immersed in a world of bikini clad hotties and ravenous flesh loving fish and to a tiny extent I was, but it felt nowhere near as fantastic as I had imagined 3D to be when I was a boy. I didnt even want to reach out and grab Kelly Brooks peachy ass as she gyrated on screen like a Greek nymph.
Its not the first new 3D film ive seen either because I have My Bloody Valentine and felt the same way. Its kinda cool in places but doesn't feel 100% right. I had thought it would be so much better than it is. And those glasses don't exactly help matters. I felt real daft sitting, drink in claw, with cardboard glasses perched on my nose. (Least they could do is make them fit properly too). Its supposed to plonk you in the movie but if anything it does the exact opposite and breaks the immersion because you are constantly reminded its just a film through having to wear glasses in the first place. And near constant adjusting the damned things for comfort. 3D is just a fad, a gimmick and will die its own death.
I have no doubt children find it amazing but older heads will get wise to it. Or should. Im already fed up with it and from now on will avoid 3D movies.


Can I get these in Gucci?