Today, Of Tomorrow

Alcohol is my default. Drunkeness a refuge for the insecurities and bitterness that dwell in these bones, indeed my very soul. Alcoholics (we rabid, wild flowers), regard intoxication as medicine who crave it as instinctively as breathing. To be born an addict, as there is no choice in this matter, is to be born with a heavy, persistant darkness that one learns quickly can be made bearable through liberal use of alcohol or pills (or both). So fast is this knowledge one is tempted to be overly dramatic with descriptions of angels and divine solutions but truth is more mundane, fact is that self preservation is as much part of the human fabric as any fraility and the minute we boozers get a taste of our 'medicine', addiction sets in. A wretched journey of despair, pain, lies, loathing and filth. A journey not everyone survives. In fact, I would wager more die from addiction than are accounted for because by its nature it is a disease that instills secrecy.

Today, Of Tomorrow 

 All of the horrors are given and known, have been lived through time and time again, yet the temptation of another drink remains. Not small and insignificent, harmless in the background but lurking on every thread of thought, constant in its danger to sobriety. A relentless bloodlust that should I ever lessen my grip on sobriety will ravish my soul with unspeakable terrors, as it has many times before. Sobriety isn't a natural state for me, in years distant I have used my powers of manipulation and deceit to avoid it at any cost. Today I am five years clean but its not game over. It is never game over. There is too high consequence in wanting a drink today. There is never a today. Today in drink becomes tomorrow in drink, and tomorrow after that, on and on it slides into oblivion. Like thousands of other alcoholics, the trickster becomes the tricked. The grain mistress has no equal when it comes to seductive poisons.

 Ode to Zero

 Alas I must refrain from pretty words for fear of getting distracted and this would be fatal with this disease. To put it bluntly: there are those of us where tomorrow must cease to exist. There can be no healing finish line in this race. The minute I allow to trust in tomorrow, is when things get dark. Get grim and bloody. Tomorrow is a new slate, a reset and if I believe in those, I am in danger today. Too many times I have indulged today, believing tomorrow was a new day that wouldn't bring the craving and therefore I would be safe. Alcoholism doesn't do safe. It wants you to trust. It wants to be an old friend. It wants you to put faith in it. And we all fall down.

We the People?

In three days time, Americans go to the polls to choose who their next President will be, Trump or Biden. And regardless of the usual media hype that accompany these events, this is a moment of history. Both Republicans and Democrats, though obviously disagreeing on most everything else, know that a win means everything. It is one of those times when being in the losers camp is too horrid to contemplate. Such has been the impact of Trump's Presidency. Whatever your opinion of the man (I personally like him and would vote for him if I was American), President Trump has singlehandedly made politics a much more exciting place, even for people who would normally sooner watch paint dry. One thing Ive noticed is how much the Democrats have been hammering the fact that this is a choice that 'We the People' must make to turn the tides and make right what for them the Republicans have been doing wrong under Trump. Of course being on the opposite side of the political fence (some would call it a canyon these days), I am pointing out the obvious but I do wonder what the liberals will think should Trump triumph on Tuesday like he did four years ago? Will they still believe in, 'We the People' and accept the decision? Certainly they didn't accept it in 2016 and have been sour ever since. And listen, I don't wish to doubt anyone, I realise folk will be upset/angry if Trump gets another term in office but if Democrats truly have faith in 'We the People' and hold it precious to democracy, they ought honour the decision with dignity and not think it is the end of the world because it really won't be. It must be the same if Republicans lose also. If having a vote is priceless, and democracy is the soul of a free nation, treat it as such.