A New Royal Nipper?

A tabloid newspaper asks today if its time for William and Kate to have babies? Egad! How glad Dai Jakes is at not being a member of the Royal family. To have ones personal affairs probed and put to public polls like some tawdry real life soap opera. (Although to be fair its not only monarchy this obssession with snooping in on private lives is limited to.) The couple have only been married five minutes and already the diaper brigade are revving their woolly bootied engines in anticipation of a new royal sprog. Who will he/she look like? What will he/she be named? Will he/she have grandad Chucks ears? Once one red top paper starts, the others won't be far behind in trying to whip up excitement for the Second Coming HRH. (Or is that Third or Fourth Coming? Theres been so many of the blighters its difficult keeping up.)
As long time readers of this blog will know, Mr Jakes is not what you would call an ardent supporter of the monarchy, and while I acknowledge the Queen has done a fine job, Id be happy to see it come to an end after her reign. Damn, I sailed off course again! Where was I? Oh yes babies. I just hope whatever new ankle biter comes William and Kates way, he/she doesn't have mums stapled smile and dads shall we say, rather fine hair. And I dont mean 'fine' as in 'grand'. In fact I can give you dear readers an exclusive Dai Jake's Book preview of what I think the new royal nipper will look like right now. Behold!

the Jake's royal impression

Not exactly Rolf Harris I know but you get the idea. Bet I will not be that far off either. Toodle pip!

P.S. If next week im writing this blog from the Tower of London, you'll know why.

Hmmmm....

Human beings are a funny old mob. When a horse dies running at the Grand National there are cries of "ban the racing!" yet when a person dies running the London Marathon there is nothing, not a whimper. Why is this? Do we love animals more than our fellow man/woman? Some people readily admit they do although a report of an increase in animal cruelty from the RSPCA today suggests otherwise. But if we do, isn't this misguided and wrong? To love say a cat over another human? I don't know if you aware of this but the feeling isn't mutual and if pusskins could open a tin you'd not see his furry ass for dust. Ditto for Rover. And don't tut, its true.
Ive often wondered how these types of people would last in the wilderness with just animals to talk to for the rest of their lives. There is only so far one can hold a one way conversation, and the love making isn't up to much either unless you happen to think its okay to fancy bears and wolves.
Its fine to care for our furry/feathered/scaley friends but when it overtakes our compassion for our fellow man, it gets silly. Afterall animals are below us whatever you think. We eat them remember? KFC and the Golden Arches are testament to how much we REALLY love animals and aside from the deluded hippies who live on cabbage, this is how it should be.

Welsh Royal Crystal

Fine wines and good scotch need, nay demand great glasses to drink them out of. Coffee mugs while great for tea and coffee, are not what a good Macellan deserves. It needs a touch of style and elegance, and I know just the place to buy what I like to call 'glass with class'. A place where the handcrafting skills are centuries old and the glass is cut with fine Traditional, Intaglio and Celtic designs, that you won't find anywhere else. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Welsh Royal Crystal! Creators of some of the most stunning glass I have ever seen (and being a lover of good scotch ive seen quite a few). When something is created with passion and dedication, you can see it in the finished work and this is certainly true of Welsh Royal Crystal. Their tumblers, wine glasses, bowls and vases are true works of art (one of my particular favourites is their 1/2 Pint Barrel Tankard) and are real stand out pieces for your Welsh dresser or drinks cabinet.
The natural beauty of the Cambrian mountains and lakes of Mid Wales, where one can find Welsh Royal Crystal, have inspired fabulous designs which all stamped with the Welsh Royal Crystal assay mark, a traditional Welsh Dragon that represents a symbol of quality. You wouldn't expect anything less from the last hand crafted crystal glass makers in Wales, which you can see in action in their visitor center with a demonstration from their Master Craftsman. There is a coffee shop too and plenty of parking so visitors can make a day of it. All this with a warm, friendly atmosphere, there is no better way to shop for crystal glass at very wallet/purse friendly prices.


Support Wales in style

The 1/2 Pint Barrel Tankard


And don't forget, Welsh Royal Crystal are winners of Theo Paphitis' #SBS (small buisness sunday) award for added coolness.
Its so good to know that Wales still has a lot of great buisnesses in this little country of ours, and Welsh Royal Crystal is truly a great. Visit them online today, or even better visit in person in Rhayader, Powys, Wales. Oh and follow them on Twitter via @WelshRoyalCryst , they are very friendly. Dai Jake's Book gives them a giant thumbs up!.

Rights Away, Right Away

So more drugs are getting in prisons eh? Simple! Ban visiting to inmates. Does Dai Jakes have to think of everything? Its entirely their fault their locked up in the first place so little sympathy should afforded them. Take away their 'human rights' the instant they break the law so they cant whine we're breaching any rights, and for the term of the sentence the prisoner has less rights than a garden slug. A HMP prison visiting room must be an awfully desperate place to spend an afternoon for the family so my guess is they would be secretly over the moon at not having to travel to see their wayward family member. What doest thou think dear reader? Too draconian?
We could always go the other way and allow them all the narcotics they wish so they could drop like flies and be less burden on taxpayers? Either way works for Mr Jakes. And please don't try to bruise me with name calling (apart from 'barbaric', I like that one), its merely a suggestion and hardly ever likely to happen now is it? I burnt my toast earlier and just needed to vent.

Tupac Returns?

Dead rapper Tupac 'returned' for an appearance at Coachella 2012 with Snoop Dog yesterday and you can see it below. However while the rest of the world is applauding this stunt (it was a hologram obviously), Dai Jakes is not so impressed. In fact I have seen footage of executions that have creeped me out less. The singer looks super eerie, and you can tell (well I can) that all his stage moves were not generated by natural order, even if they were captured from old concerts. Its so computer made that it slaps you in the face and quite franky im suprise so many were WOW'ed by it. It reeks of digital and is as dead as the eyes of dolls and sharks.
I am not hard to impress, if goldfish and glass can do it then im pretty easy going but this 'appearance' did not tick any of my boxes im afraid. Rest in peace Tupac, safe not knowing what they did to an image of you.

No More Light Of Day?

So the European Courts have told the UK we can extradite suspected terrorists to America. Very kind of them, thank you EU im sure. (Seriously do we really need Brussels to give their approval on everything?) The newspapers are covering the main story so Dai Jake's Book now looks at what kind of 'jug' (jail) these men are headed to. And bad luck chaps, judging by where other terrorists are sent in the United States it looks like ADX Florence, a supermax prison in Colorado will be your new home. A place nicknamed 'the Alcatraz of the Rockies' and described as a cleaner version of hell. Nice.
Cells are single only and windows are 4 inches by 4ft which makes it tough for inmates to know exactly where they are within the jail because they can only see the roof and sky. 23 hours lock up and the hour exercise is in what is described as a concrete pit resembling an empty swimming pool. They are held in near total solitary confinement, rarely do inmates see each other. So a lot different to our prisons where most spend all day outside their cells mixing all they want.
Of course we are getting some people now telling us that Supermax is 'inhumane' and cruel but in Dai Jakes opinion its not. Sure its hard but it isn't supposed to be easy. this is prison, not a country club. Keep this in mind: its not easy getting sent to a Supermax, its designed for the worst of the worst, extremely violent prisoners who have killed other inmates and guards. You won't find any street muggers or people who have not paid their fines in them. You'd think they would welcome the silence to read holy books and think about the horror their crimes have had on innocent people. If ever I found myself in jail id be begging for solitary confinement to be away from other lags and their (presumably) filthy habits and smells.
Anyway enjoy your stay lads, send us a postcard from Colorado, I hear its nice this time of year.

Emotion In Videgames

Videogames are seen by some as being 'for kids' but since games have gotten more mature with their subjects and themes, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact a lot of titles (Kane & Lynch, Heavy Rain etc) no responsible parent should let their children anywhere near. But as an example of just how powerful/emotional some games can be, take a look at the scene below of Sniper Wolf's death in 1998's Metal Gear Solid.




Pretty strong stuff im sure you will agree. The defense rests its case your honour.

That Don't Impress Me Much

First off, apologies to Shania for nicking your title, I don't usually do it (largely because im a great 'titler' myself) but hey there you go. I'll buy you a drink next time im in Canada okay? Right, thats out of the way.
3D film has come back with a vengeance (I seem to remember it first with Jaws 3D in the 80s) and even older movies are getting a lick of three dimensional paint but for all the fuss and hoo-ha, im not impressed with it. Take last night for example. I bought Piranha 3D (with the obligatory specs), opened a bottle of something nice and got ready to be immersed in a world of bikini clad hotties and ravenous flesh loving fish and to a tiny extent I was, but it felt nowhere near as fantastic as I had imagined 3D to be when I was a boy. I didnt even want to reach out and grab Kelly Brooks peachy ass as she gyrated on screen like a Greek nymph.
Its not the first new 3D film ive seen either because I have My Bloody Valentine and felt the same way. Its kinda cool in places but doesn't feel 100% right. I had thought it would be so much better than it is. And those glasses don't exactly help matters. I felt real daft sitting, drink in claw, with cardboard glasses perched on my nose. (Least they could do is make them fit properly too). Its supposed to plonk you in the movie but if anything it does the exact opposite and breaks the immersion because you are constantly reminded its just a film through having to wear glasses in the first place. And near constant adjusting the damned things for comfort. 3D is just a fad, a gimmick and will die its own death.
I have no doubt children find it amazing but older heads will get wise to it. Or should. Im already fed up with it and from now on will avoid 3D movies.


Can I get these in Gucci?

Olympic 007

James Bond is to open the 2012 Olympic games ceremony its been revealed. And after a personal invite from the Queen no less! Forgive my lack of enthusiasm but this for me is now 100% snooze city because not only do I find 007 films to be dull affairs* (I dont care how many gadgets he has, he's just a boring version of Batman) but olympic sport events put me to sleep like visual valium. Honestly, I could find more interesting things in a bottle of clear water. And I dont care if this is a Royal Appointment, it sounds naff. Oh were human beings able to hibernate!


*To be fair, Daniel Craig has made me want to watch his grittier version of Bond. All credit to the man.