Seamus Heaney: A Huge Loss

As soon as my tea stained eyes fell upon these words, "Seamus Heaney, the Nobel Prize-winning Irish poet and playwright, has died," my heart gave a heave of sadness. Oh my words, what dreadful news to be met with after only a few clicks of the mouse. Especially for a fellow poet/playwright (though not as grand to put myself on Heaney's level) who looked on the Irish writer as a kind of Obi Wan Kenobi figure. One of the last living Master (capitol M) Scribe. What wretched news!
Life, you can be a swine at the best of times but today? Today you are double the pig.
I was fortunate enough to spend time with Seamus Heaney at a poetry reading in Swansea University back in 1998, and it was like being in the presence of someone who knew all the tricks. It was immense, like a film fan meeting Clint Eastwood if you changed the Arts. Believe me, you know when you are in the company of a great man, something in your spirit alerts you, and it was certainly true back in the Taliesin center all those years ago in Swansea.

'Tis a black day, losing such a genius poet when real poets are so rare in this world. I'll take leave to mourn and leave you with words by Seamus himself:

"Be advised my passport's green.
No glass of ours was ever raised
to toast the Queen."

Diana: Its All...Conspiracy

Scotland Yard to investigate whether Princess Diana was murdered?

Dai Jakes usually enjoys a good conspiracy theory, some are clever and very imaginative but the ones surrounding this accident are rubbish. Some are so weak they can produce some genuine Laugh Out Loud moments. First off, organising a car crash would NOT be an ideal way to get someone killed because very few people die in car wrecks. If it was, as suggested in some corners, a "hit" plotted by the military, they would have much more creative and sure fire methods at their disposal than causing a car crash. A vehicle wreck is loud, bold and attention grabbing. Hardly the ways of shadowy security forces.
We have already had three investigations into this tragedy, I cannot see the results of a fourth being any different; accident no foul play. Anyone with an ounce of common sense will have looked at the evidence before coming to the conclusion that there was never a shred of evidence to support the murder theory. This is why Al Fayed was laughed out of the inquest. The driver, Henri Paul, was DRUNK for crying out loud! And had been on the happy pills. He was driving at speed, at night, with paparazzi flash bulbs going off around the car. Its a miracle to me how he even got as far as the tunnel. I have never been so irresponsible to drive drunk, but I have tried cycling up my garden path after a few too many, and I didn't get 10 yards before I was in a hedge.
Add to all that the fact that none of the car's occupants was wearing a seatbelt, I cannot see how anyone would be tempted to believe it was anything other than a fatal crash. All these stories of mythical white cars disappearing from the scene, or claims that Diana was spotted standing up outside the mangled car, are just flights of fancy conjured up by fantasists. Maybe some cannot accept that a former Princess with the fairytale wedding could die so horrifically in a French tunnel. Others are obsessed with conspiracy and the Illuminati who secretly control the world's affairs (so secret and powerful are they, that weirdos on the internet have them sussed.)
Me? Well like I have said, I usually enjoy a good conspiracy theory but regard them much like the Star Wars saga or any other work of fiction. To actually believe them? That's a tad desperate don't you think? I was never a "fan" of Diana, and thought this "People's Princess business was way over the top, but she was only 36 when she perished in that fatal crash which is a criminally young age to die. Its hard to take, its a knock on our mortality. Perhaps some need to create shady scenarios as a way to push reality away? The reality being that a young mother of two, who lived most of her life in fabulous wealth and fame, had her life snuffed out in a Mercedes S280 due to a drunken chauffeur. And there is nothing more to it than that.

Okra Winfrey Throws a Tanty

Mr Jakes will be honest here; before Oprah Winfrey was told by a Swiss store that a handbag was "too expensive for her" (it cost £24,000) he had barely heard of the woman. Sure the name sounded familiar but as a gentleman who shuns television almost totally, I had imagined she was a music producer or something in that line. Since this (non) story broke, research has revealed that Winfrey is rather famous in her country, and not only famous but a billionaire to boot. There's nice, we are all thrilled for you dear. Honest.
However I am shocked some of the more serious papers over here are carrying this (non) story, and worse running with the "racism" tag. Sorry but this has nothing to do with race. All it is, is a jumped up American 'celebrity' who because the Swiss are sensible and don't show her silly programme (ive Googled it) in their country, her nose has been put out of joint because they don't know who she is. This my dear readers is about a fragile ego and vanity, not racism. Well live with it woman, we Brits hardly know you either.
This is one of the things about Americans that annoys me (and I know plenty of sweet ones.) They like to think they are the center of the universe in everything, and woe betide anyone who fails to recognise this (or any of their half baked 'celebrities'.) And no doubt they will be supporting Oprah over her traumatic European experience, while the rest of the world looks on, scratching their heads at the rampant display of egomania.
Not to fear! Dai Jakes to the rescue! *Puts Jakes cape on* Here look (below), ive made a handbag just for Oprah...


Suits you madam

Bongo Bongo Land

They drink it in the Congo you know

I had to chip in to this affair if only because of the opportunity to have an interesting title and use the classic Um Bongo advert from the 80s.
Godfrey Bloom (UKIP) has come under fire for being filmed declaring that Great Britain should not send foreign aid to "Bongo Bongo Land". Result? Lots of angry people shouting and Tweeting like Billy-O, claiming racism and that Mr Bloom has brought shame on the country. One wrote: "the Alan Clark tradition is one of extreme right-wing comedy which is designed to provoke."
Does it though? Am I the only person who thinks this is massive fuss over nothing? Well no, actually I am not because an African lady called LBC radio and knocked the nail bang on the head when she said, "Bongo Bongo land is not offensive, certainly not as offensive as white liberals always jumping in to try and defend blacks." Well said lady, this really needed saying after hearing all the other pompous guff that has been said online over this.
I don't think for one minute that Godfrey meant anything malicious when he said "Bongo Bongo Land". Crikey the late Alan Clark used the words himself, and it didn't do him any harm. That was many years ago though, we have become too sensitive as the years piled up. And just to be clear here, there is no place for racism in the 21st century. Racism is abhorrent and belongs only in the minds of knuckle-draggers and thugs. But "Bongo Bongo Land"? No worse than calling us Welsh "sheep sh*ggers", or the Australians "convicts" (which I saw Tweeted often during the last Ashes cricket match. Well done on that victory too!)
Like I say, we have become too sensitive, too ready to be offended and spout faux outrage on Twitter and Youtube. I shudder to think where its all heading, especially being a poet/writer where I am making up new names/titles every day. I don't wish to live under a constant dread of offending somebody by using those newly created names. Respect different cultures by all means, its the civilised way but let's not get so worked up over silly, throwaway names that should never be able to provoke such anger in the first place. We will bitterly regret it if we do, mark my words.