So Stephen Hester, the Royal Bank of Scotland boss, has caved in to childish demands to give up his £1m bonus. What a berk is all I can say. Dai Jakes would never have given in. Not a bacon buttie's chance in the kitchen. If such a large bonus was in his contract then he should have it, and not be bullied into giving it up by a jealous public.
I have a suspicion that if Mr Hester was related to you, you wouldn't be so angry, and your 'concern' over job losses at places like Peacocks woud dwindle to nothingness.
I mean where the heck is the outrage over footballers wages? They earn over £100,000 a week, yet nobody seems to mind this obscenity. (And it IS obscene and if you don't like it, you are obscene too).
By all accounts Hester is good at his job. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves for forcing him to give his agreed bonus back. He has done his job, nothing more and now has to throw away the money he is perfectly entitled to because the great unwashed don't like it.
Shame on them.
And as a footnote, he was taken on my RBS after the banking crisis not before it. His job was to turn everything around and apparantly making a good fist of it.
Way back when I was in school I used to carry a notebook everywhere I went to record daily thoughts and observations. So you see, ive been blogging since before it was popular and where better to carry it onward than to give it a digital page of its own? Welcome to the pages of bar fly Hollywood Francis...
Monday 30 January 2012
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Hell is...Soggy Chips & Television
Being a poet/writer I occasionaly get asked if I believe in hell and damnation, (like I have been let in on some great secret only revealed to bards or philosophers) and often people are suprised by my answer because its so simple; no I don't believe in it. And furthermore I doubt the majority believe in it either. Hell is merely threat used by religious brigands to keep the congregation shaking in their pews.
Good thing too because if there was such a place, we'd all be heading there. Are we not all without sin? Also the infinite punishment of eternal damnation isn't exactly fair to be put upon earlthy sin. Is any crime committed in this world, worthy of such a punishment in the next?** And what type of loving God would impose it? Not a caring, forgiving one id wager.
If there is a hell, we are in it in this world. The wars, bloodshed, famines, this planet can seem like Vlad's 'forest of impalement' if looked from the right angle. Even lesser evils like soggy chips swimming in grease and reality television contribute to the endless woes suffered by humanity. (The thinking types among us).
** Jorge Luis Borges suggests in his essay La Duración del Infierno that no transgression can warrant an infinite punishment on the grounds that there is no such thing as an 'infinite transgression'.
Good thing too because if there was such a place, we'd all be heading there. Are we not all without sin? Also the infinite punishment of eternal damnation isn't exactly fair to be put upon earlthy sin. Is any crime committed in this world, worthy of such a punishment in the next?** And what type of loving God would impose it? Not a caring, forgiving one id wager.
If there is a hell, we are in it in this world. The wars, bloodshed, famines, this planet can seem like Vlad's 'forest of impalement' if looked from the right angle. Even lesser evils like soggy chips swimming in grease and reality television contribute to the endless woes suffered by humanity. (The thinking types among us).
** Jorge Luis Borges suggests in his essay La Duración del Infierno that no transgression can warrant an infinite punishment on the grounds that there is no such thing as an 'infinite transgression'.
Santes Dwynwen
The angel appears to Dwynwen
Dydd Santes Dwynwen hapus I pawb! Happy Saint Dwynwens Day to all!
This is Wales' equivalent of Valentine's Day (but with more Cwtches), celebrated today, 25th Jan.
Legend has it that Dwynwen became a nun and headed to Anglesey to build a church called Llanddwynwen, meaning 'Church of Dwynwen'.
There are a few versions of the story but here's my favourite.
Dwynwen fell in love with a prince called Maelon Dafodrill (don't all women love princes?) but sadly the king (her dad) had already arranged for her to marry another prince. Uh oh. This news cheesed Maelon off a tad and he vowed never to see poor Dwynwen again. The fair maiden sobbed all night and pleaded with God to make her forget Maelon ever existed. Then in the morning an angel carrying a sweet potion appeared before Dwynwen, telling her it would erase all memory of Maelon and as added bonus would turn him into a block of ice. Brrr! Dwynwen was then granted three wishes from God. And as she didn't really want Maelon to spened eternity as an ice cube, her first wish was that the lad be thawed out. Dwynwen's second was that God meet the hopes and dreams of true lovers and her third was that she should never marry.
The End. Big Cwtches to everyone xoxox
Monday 23 January 2012
Berni Inn
Now thats retro!
I have a love for anything retro and I can't think of anything more retro (at the minute) than Berni Inn. It was started in 1955 by Welsh/Italian brothers Frank & Aldo Berni and by the 1970's and 80's they got pretty popular. It was considered 'posh' to go to them.
A typical menu included a prawn cocktail starter with either steak, gammon or plaice with chips and peas for the main course. Dessert could be black forest gateau or Irish coffee and a few After Eight mints left at the side of your plate. The whiff of Steak and Lager/Lime was alwalys wafting around the mock tudor beams and all in all it was rather ace as we would say back then.
Sadly Berni Inns were sold to Whitbread in 1995 before they vanished forever. *sad face*
Hellish Hounds
Another story in todays news about a bull terrier savaging a six year old girl, while her father repeatedly punched the animal in an attempt to get it to stop. This is just one out of many stories regarding these dogs and I believe the time has come to round up all of the pitbull type dogs and put them all down. Only thugs think these creatures make good pets anyway. Or those of questinable sanity.
And please don't try to give me that 'Educate Not Discriminate' nonsense, and putting blame on irresponsible owners. These dogs are f**king dangerous (yes all of them) and should be nowhere near people, let alone in the company of a six year old child. This isn't some knee-jerk reaction to a terrible story, I have always believed that these kinds of dogs should go the way of the dodo. Are they even good working dogs? I don't care, get a German shepherd or something (and I don't trust those completely either).
They are not even good looking animals. They remind me of the majority of their owners with squashed faces, blunt noses and cruel eyes. Bullet headed louts. Would you really miss them if they were to disappear? (The dogs not the owners, mind you thinning those herds wouldnt be a bad thing but i'll say no more).
Of course my idea will never happen, it should happen but won't because humans in general don't seem to mind a few injuries to its own kind as long as it can carry on owning savage animals. We are idiots at heart. Well im not, id have no hesitation in turning every pitbull into curry. Ive said enough.
And please don't try to give me that 'Educate Not Discriminate' nonsense, and putting blame on irresponsible owners. These dogs are f**king dangerous (yes all of them) and should be nowhere near people, let alone in the company of a six year old child. This isn't some knee-jerk reaction to a terrible story, I have always believed that these kinds of dogs should go the way of the dodo. Are they even good working dogs? I don't care, get a German shepherd or something (and I don't trust those completely either).
They are not even good looking animals. They remind me of the majority of their owners with squashed faces, blunt noses and cruel eyes. Bullet headed louts. Would you really miss them if they were to disappear? (The dogs not the owners, mind you thinning those herds wouldnt be a bad thing but i'll say no more).
Of course my idea will never happen, it should happen but won't because humans in general don't seem to mind a few injuries to its own kind as long as it can carry on owning savage animals. We are idiots at heart. Well im not, id have no hesitation in turning every pitbull into curry. Ive said enough.
Sunday 22 January 2012
Death of the Death Penalty?
How many murderers are executed every year in the United States these days? Forty? Fifty? I think I can safely say that its certainly not over sixty. If I was an Anti Death Penalty supporter I would be pretty happy with those figures. With that rate they soon won't be strapping anyone to a gurney, and as less are indeed getting sentenced to death by American courts this is exactly whats happening. Its easier for opponents to get some thing abolished if support is low and surely it must be if a mere fifty or so killers are sent to the death chamber.
Let me put it like this: if I was the ruler of a country and one of my aides told me, "look we might as well scrap hanging criminals because we only execute fifty a year anyway," I would probably go along with it. Its half hearted, and bordering on lenient, so why bother continuing it Id think to myself. Its almost guaranteed that it won't deter any future murderers if deterence is the reasoning behind capital punishment. (I personally believe it shouldn't be and that punishment is the sole reason).
Of course if the USA want to be rid of the death penalty, then they are on the correct path because the numbers will keep dropping and dropping until....well they end up with no death rows. One only has to look at Britains history with capital punishment for proof of what I say. In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries we hanged people like there was no tomorrow. Even common thieves and sheep rustlers were not spared the walk to the gallows in our enthusiasm to bring lawbreakers to justice. Heck audiences flocked to public executions like rugby matches today (numbers ranged from 30,000 to an incredible 70,000), and stalls sold foor and drink to the ghoulish crowds. It was we Brits who turned hanging into a science when William Marwood developed the 'long drop' and Albert Pierrepoint perfected it. None executed with more zest than the United Kingdom.
But for how long?
And look at us today. The number of death sentences, or more importantly the number actually carried out, began falling in the early 1900's until in 1969 we abolished it completely. Our last hangings were in 1964. So you can see how abolishment creeps up, almost without the general public (especially the majority who take no interest in the subject) ever realising it. I believe its happening in America right now. According to statistics online the number of executions as well as newly imposed death sentences slumped to record low levels in 2011. Also the governor of Illinois put a stop to executions in his state and don't think for one minute that other states won't look at this and think of following it. Once the rot (some call it enlightenment) starts its hard to stop it spreading. We Brits know this and if the Americans have any desire to carry on executing its murderers they would do well to learn from our mistake. (Mistake or victory depending which side of the fence you stood of course).
Could it be that Americans (or its movers and shakers) have been actually listening to European countries when they keep on saying that the death penalty is barbaric and uncivilised? Americans don't like to be seen taking the lead from others, they like to be leaders, and my guess is they have looked around at all of the countries where execution has been scrapped and it has made them uncomfortable being one of the few left who carry it out. Especially when you consider the company they are in. (And I would like to make this clear here, I personally don't regard places like Iran as backward but it seems that some in the Anti death penalty movement do because they enjoy snootily informing us that Americans are in doubtful company when it comes to executions).
We must remember that the United States is a very young country compared to places like Britain, and IF it truly is civilised to abolish the death penalty as folks like Amnesty keep telling us then it will take them that much longer to discover this. European and Middle Eastern countries have been puttig people to death since before Jesus turned water into wine and are not exactly new to the subject. America is. And this is why I really do believe that in something like ten to fifteen years there will be no more executions there.
** If any readers are interested in chatting with Dai Jakes about the subject, you can find him on the ProDeathPenalty .com forum where he is a regular poster. Pop in and say, it really is a friendly place.
Let me put it like this: if I was the ruler of a country and one of my aides told me, "look we might as well scrap hanging criminals because we only execute fifty a year anyway," I would probably go along with it. Its half hearted, and bordering on lenient, so why bother continuing it Id think to myself. Its almost guaranteed that it won't deter any future murderers if deterence is the reasoning behind capital punishment. (I personally believe it shouldn't be and that punishment is the sole reason).
Of course if the USA want to be rid of the death penalty, then they are on the correct path because the numbers will keep dropping and dropping until....well they end up with no death rows. One only has to look at Britains history with capital punishment for proof of what I say. In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries we hanged people like there was no tomorrow. Even common thieves and sheep rustlers were not spared the walk to the gallows in our enthusiasm to bring lawbreakers to justice. Heck audiences flocked to public executions like rugby matches today (numbers ranged from 30,000 to an incredible 70,000), and stalls sold foor and drink to the ghoulish crowds. It was we Brits who turned hanging into a science when William Marwood developed the 'long drop' and Albert Pierrepoint perfected it. None executed with more zest than the United Kingdom.
But for how long?
And look at us today. The number of death sentences, or more importantly the number actually carried out, began falling in the early 1900's until in 1969 we abolished it completely. Our last hangings were in 1964. So you can see how abolishment creeps up, almost without the general public (especially the majority who take no interest in the subject) ever realising it. I believe its happening in America right now. According to statistics online the number of executions as well as newly imposed death sentences slumped to record low levels in 2011. Also the governor of Illinois put a stop to executions in his state and don't think for one minute that other states won't look at this and think of following it. Once the rot (some call it enlightenment) starts its hard to stop it spreading. We Brits know this and if the Americans have any desire to carry on executing its murderers they would do well to learn from our mistake. (Mistake or victory depending which side of the fence you stood of course).
Could it be that Americans (or its movers and shakers) have been actually listening to European countries when they keep on saying that the death penalty is barbaric and uncivilised? Americans don't like to be seen taking the lead from others, they like to be leaders, and my guess is they have looked around at all of the countries where execution has been scrapped and it has made them uncomfortable being one of the few left who carry it out. Especially when you consider the company they are in. (And I would like to make this clear here, I personally don't regard places like Iran as backward but it seems that some in the Anti death penalty movement do because they enjoy snootily informing us that Americans are in doubtful company when it comes to executions).
We must remember that the United States is a very young country compared to places like Britain, and IF it truly is civilised to abolish the death penalty as folks like Amnesty keep telling us then it will take them that much longer to discover this. European and Middle Eastern countries have been puttig people to death since before Jesus turned water into wine and are not exactly new to the subject. America is. And this is why I really do believe that in something like ten to fifteen years there will be no more executions there.
** If any readers are interested in chatting with Dai Jakes about the subject, you can find him on the ProDeathPenalty .com forum where he is a regular poster. Pop in and say, it really is a friendly place.
Saturday 21 January 2012
Distressing Damsels
Ah the glamour of Hollywood! These pretty gods among mere mortals! Want to see some of the planets most beautiful women? Then pick up a movie or a gossip magazine and be amazed (and envious?) at the perfect darlings of Tinseltown. Let them have you in awe as they shine on the screen/page with their flawless skin (not airbrushed, honest) and natural beauty (no surgery, much) making you feel about as attractive as a packet of dry crackers. All the perfect creatures hang out in Los Angeles dididn't you know? People stay young there.
This is what a lot of folk would have you believe, but if you take off the blinkers you will see that its not without its share of plain Janes. (In fact if it wasn't for surgery and a hefty trowel of make up, there would be more Janes than Aphrodites).
Erm...I need another pint
Look at her above for example, Sarah Jessica Parker. Forget about the horsey face, eat some bloody food love! She looks like a medieval waif who has just spent the last five years in a dungeon eating nothing but gruel. Loving the whippet look. Not. What do on earth do movie casters actually see in this woman? Come to think about it, what do they see in any of those women in the Sex And the City things? (Not sure if its a tv series or film, never watched them). they are as bland as the sand. With a lot less substance.
Fact is I really, hand-on-heart cannot name you one Hollywood leading lady that makes me go "PHWOOAAARR!" like I do whenever I see Dame Helen Mirren. (Had the hots for Hels since forever).
This is what a lot of folk would have you believe, but if you take off the blinkers you will see that its not without its share of plain Janes. (In fact if it wasn't for surgery and a hefty trowel of make up, there would be more Janes than Aphrodites).
Erm...I need another pint
Look at her above for example, Sarah Jessica Parker. Forget about the horsey face, eat some bloody food love! She looks like a medieval waif who has just spent the last five years in a dungeon eating nothing but gruel. Loving the whippet look. Not. What do on earth do movie casters actually see in this woman? Come to think about it, what do they see in any of those women in the Sex And the City things? (Not sure if its a tv series or film, never watched them). they are as bland as the sand. With a lot less substance.
Fact is I really, hand-on-heart cannot name you one Hollywood leading lady that makes me go "PHWOOAAARR!" like I do whenever I see Dame Helen Mirren. (Had the hots for Hels since forever).
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Romance Is Not Dead
Must be Love
Two quick questions: where were you doing at 8:57pm on 29th August, 2003? And what were you doing? I can tell you exactly where I was. The Pizza Palace in Swansea eating a Meat Feast pizza and swigging two bottles of Kronenburg. How do I remember this? Simple! From the receipt you can see in the above photograph. And before you think me some mad hoarder who keeps everything from receipts to milk bottle tops, the reason I kept it is because I am the last of the true romantics and this was my second date with She Who Must Be Obeyed (aka the Better Half).
We went to see Freddy vs Jason later in the cinema and the rest as they say is history. Oh and the reason I was limited to just two beers was because on our first date I was so drunk that don't really remember all that much. I know we went to the Farrier's Arms near Stradey woods but the rest is kinda hazy. Still she was cool enough to give me a second chance, hence the two bottle limit.
Ive still got the receipt to this day. Now theres romance for ya!
Tuesday 17 January 2012
Death At Arms Length
For most people, owning a Blackberry (or any other similar device) is a cool thing. The ability to make telephone calls has long become secondary to everything else these things can do. Take pictures, make video recording, play your entire record collection, surf the webby, games. You name it, and there is a good chance your Blackberry can do it. (Im personally looking forward to the time it can mix drinks).
But to a poet/writer like myself, they can be nightmares. Little slabs of beastly gadgetry, able to cause frustration and terror with the mere flicker of a light. You see I use mine to store notes and ideas for poems/stories and while it undoubtedly looks cooler than carrying a notepad around, I do worry about the thing erasing said notes. Times were hard in 1595 when Shakespeare was creating his wonderul works but at least he wasn't bothered about losing his sonnets to a technological glitch.
The Bards reaction to the Blackberry
I have at this very moment eight poems on my phone having not had a chance to write them down on 'hard copy'. Thirty minutes ago the word 'Reset' appeared on the screen and much to my horror it suddenly switched itself off before going into 'system start up' like Blackberries do when you perform a battery pull. I thought I had lost my work and for the five loooong minutes it took to come back on, I fretted like a coop of a headless chooks on amphetamine (thats good fretting for you). When these are precious lines for poems, and you think you might never see them again, I wonder if owning a Blackberry is worth it.
Fortunately nothing got deleted and my work is intact but the damage is done. The seed of doubt has nestled happily in my brain and is determined not to budge. A new notepad is on the shopping list.
** The 'death' in the title is a tad overly dramatic but it does describe the fear of losing unsaved works pretty accurately.
But to a poet/writer like myself, they can be nightmares. Little slabs of beastly gadgetry, able to cause frustration and terror with the mere flicker of a light. You see I use mine to store notes and ideas for poems/stories and while it undoubtedly looks cooler than carrying a notepad around, I do worry about the thing erasing said notes. Times were hard in 1595 when Shakespeare was creating his wonderul works but at least he wasn't bothered about losing his sonnets to a technological glitch.
The Bards reaction to the Blackberry
I have at this very moment eight poems on my phone having not had a chance to write them down on 'hard copy'. Thirty minutes ago the word 'Reset' appeared on the screen and much to my horror it suddenly switched itself off before going into 'system start up' like Blackberries do when you perform a battery pull. I thought I had lost my work and for the five loooong minutes it took to come back on, I fretted like a coop of a headless chooks on amphetamine (thats good fretting for you). When these are precious lines for poems, and you think you might never see them again, I wonder if owning a Blackberry is worth it.
Fortunately nothing got deleted and my work is intact but the damage is done. The seed of doubt has nestled happily in my brain and is determined not to budge. A new notepad is on the shopping list.
** The 'death' in the title is a tad overly dramatic but it does describe the fear of losing unsaved works pretty accurately.
Mr Jake's Gift To The Queen
Perfect for bathtime!
Prime Minister David 'Dai' Cameron has put the kybosh on taxpayers forking out £60m on a yacht as a gift for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. But don't be too sad dear Majesty because we at the Dai Jake's Book offices have had a whip round with our dinner money and chosen to go hungry in order to get you a spiffy new yacht.
It comes complete with life vests, radio and binoculars and the upper deck is removable with a working anchor. The fancy cabin comes with a kitchen for the royal gin and furniture for the royal bum. Cool huh?
Just don't allow Andy to land any choppers on it, and don't take it too far out. Im certain you will be pleased with our efforts (and the fact that we now have to eat at Poundland) and any Knighthoods or OBE's kindly chucked our way will be gratefully received. Dai Jakes OBE has such a nice ring to it. Enjoy!
Friday 13 January 2012
People Are Not Strange
Sorry Mr Morrison formerly of rock band The Doors but your song 'People Are Strange' no longer applies because they are not. Not any more. No, after spending the last thirteen years on teh interwebz and reading thousands of comments and posts on websites, I can conclude than people have moved on from being strange and gone to being selfish instead. I guess its easier.
And not content with mere selfishness, we seem to have embraced greed, cruelty, indifference, envy and a whole host of other not so attractive traits. There was a perfect example of this in yesterdays news when it was reported that four US Marines have been pictured urinating on the dead bodies of Taliban fighters. No doubt hundreds of people found this horrible act hilarious (idiots) but its not how supposedly honourable soldiers should behave. And if this photo is not some fake, these yobs ought to be chucked out of the military without delay. Shameful behaviour, no matter who your enemy is.
Hope...
There was another story however that did give me hope that the waves of calamity are not licking our heels...yet. Happy that it came from my beloved Wales too! Tragically a 77 year old lady in Newport died after the surgeon accidentaly tore her liver but the family accepted it was an error and have left it at that. If only the rest of us were as graceful and forgiving. Lesson to us all here and while money might be the lead in many souls, it hasn't smothered all of us.
How I wish I was as forgiving as this family! How not so distracted by the wink of money I was! The majority of us would head straight to our lawyers and sue so its encouraging to know we are not all like this. Proves somehow that humanity isn't doomed to a bitter and selfish grave. I constantly feel suffocated; surrounded by crabs and flocks of beastly shells with giant pinching claws and dead eyes. Stripped of emotion, only out for their own skins, hoarding their sugar baskets like rats in a stable. If I was the type who got depressed I probably would be.
However I can learn from these good people. You see by nature I am an utterly unforgiving man. Once crossed or slighted I am a horrible enenmy to have because I have no compassion (toward enemies) and very little in the way of conscience. But by reading good stories I can change and shape myself into a better human being. We all can if we learn by the good deeds of others. Being out for your own will serve nothing useful in the end.
And not content with mere selfishness, we seem to have embraced greed, cruelty, indifference, envy and a whole host of other not so attractive traits. There was a perfect example of this in yesterdays news when it was reported that four US Marines have been pictured urinating on the dead bodies of Taliban fighters. No doubt hundreds of people found this horrible act hilarious (idiots) but its not how supposedly honourable soldiers should behave. And if this photo is not some fake, these yobs ought to be chucked out of the military without delay. Shameful behaviour, no matter who your enemy is.
Hope...
There was another story however that did give me hope that the waves of calamity are not licking our heels...yet. Happy that it came from my beloved Wales too! Tragically a 77 year old lady in Newport died after the surgeon accidentaly tore her liver but the family accepted it was an error and have left it at that. If only the rest of us were as graceful and forgiving. Lesson to us all here and while money might be the lead in many souls, it hasn't smothered all of us.
How I wish I was as forgiving as this family! How not so distracted by the wink of money I was! The majority of us would head straight to our lawyers and sue so its encouraging to know we are not all like this. Proves somehow that humanity isn't doomed to a bitter and selfish grave. I constantly feel suffocated; surrounded by crabs and flocks of beastly shells with giant pinching claws and dead eyes. Stripped of emotion, only out for their own skins, hoarding their sugar baskets like rats in a stable. If I was the type who got depressed I probably would be.
However I can learn from these good people. You see by nature I am an utterly unforgiving man. Once crossed or slighted I am a horrible enenmy to have because I have no compassion (toward enemies) and very little in the way of conscience. But by reading good stories I can change and shape myself into a better human being. We all can if we learn by the good deeds of others. Being out for your own will serve nothing useful in the end.
Wednesday 11 January 2012
Blink (the Sunset Dead)
Yesterday I found myself strolling along one of the coastal roads which run alongside Panau's beautiful beaches, with the sun beating relentlessly on my back as the miles streched out ahead. Every step was weighed down with dread at the thought of covering any significant distance so I decided that some kind of vehicle would be best. As luck would have it (luck or cruel fate?) I spotted a motorbike heading towards me, its rider blisfully oblivious to my needs. The foliage and ferns that line the roads provided me with cover so I hid until the bike was close before suddenly leaping out in front of the startled biker. He came to a halt a few feet away from me and pressed a hand on his horn, no doubt furious at my stopping his journey.
I don't know where this man was headed late in the afternoon; home from work perhaps? Home to see his wife and children. Or maybe he was on his way for a spot of fishing on his Sea Runner boat? The crystal blue waters of Panau are perfect for fishing and sailing, and boats are very popular on the island. Or he could have been simply enjoying a spin on his motorbike, taking in the stunning views as the powerful Hamaya GSY650 motorbike did its thing.
Whatever it was this man was doing, it all came to a very definate STOP when he applied the brakes in order to stop before me. I could have knocked him off his machine of course. I am highly trained in the 'art' of violent force, and one swift blow to his solar plexes would have had the guy writhing on the road in agony, leaving me free to steal the Hamaya and make off into the distance and finally to my destination. I could have this easily but I didn't.
Instead I reached for my revolver (which is custom made to my specific needs), and raised it to the poor mans head. I caught a quick glimpse of something on his face but whether it was suprise or fear, it wasn't there for long because a gentle squeeze on the trigger brought his life to a bloody end. All this man was, all he was ever going to be, was now crumpled in a heap next to his bike. The people of Panau are inevitably poor, and this nameless man before me was now even poorer.
Come peacefully?
Now the gamer readers of this blog will recognise Panau as being the fictitional island from the game Just Cause 2, and this is correct. The above is something I did in the game last night. But why? Why did I shoot this bike loving character? Of course games are not real and there is no consequence outside of the game to any actions you do, be they good or bad but last nights 'murder' of an innocent civilian going about his buisness was an eye opener for me. Its not the first time ive killed someone in cold blood in a game but its the first time I have stopped and actually thought about it.
Had I tapped into a evil sinkhole in my psyche, latent in reality but raging in the gamesworld like Jeffrey Dahmer in a kill frenzy? In life (the real one) I am the gentlest of souls, though you would never think of it to look at me, and I know I am the opposite in videogames but the killings in those are usually kept to the story in whatever game im currently playing. For instance when im shooting people in Grand Theft Auto its down to some mob bosses orders, and the targets are usually criminals themselves. Ive never really enjoyed mowing down pedestrians (like you can do), which just makes my actions last night in Just Cause 2 all the more baffling. Of course I keep reminding myself, people in videogames are not people at all, just a bunch of sprites assembled to look like people and there is no harm done when we decide to go psycho.
But creators of these games are now taking a more adult approach and we are seeing consequences in-game should you choose to travel that evil route. Look at Fable 2, where characters will avoid you like the plague if you have committed foul deeds against your fellow man. Or Oblivion where should you wish to become a vampire, preying on innocent villagers, then taverns and shops will welcome you no longer. Now besides from opening different branches and endings to a story, I think being held accountable for crimes in videogames is a great thing. Heck if nothing else it shows younger players (whose parents still insist on getting 15+ rated titles for their children) that there is a penalty for pulling a trigger or swinging a blade. It will make them stop and think like I did. Perhaps instead of games getting blamed for violence, maybe they'll get praise for showing the negative results that bloodshed and mayhem usually bring?
I don't know where this man was headed late in the afternoon; home from work perhaps? Home to see his wife and children. Or maybe he was on his way for a spot of fishing on his Sea Runner boat? The crystal blue waters of Panau are perfect for fishing and sailing, and boats are very popular on the island. Or he could have been simply enjoying a spin on his motorbike, taking in the stunning views as the powerful Hamaya GSY650 motorbike did its thing.
Whatever it was this man was doing, it all came to a very definate STOP when he applied the brakes in order to stop before me. I could have knocked him off his machine of course. I am highly trained in the 'art' of violent force, and one swift blow to his solar plexes would have had the guy writhing on the road in agony, leaving me free to steal the Hamaya and make off into the distance and finally to my destination. I could have this easily but I didn't.
Instead I reached for my revolver (which is custom made to my specific needs), and raised it to the poor mans head. I caught a quick glimpse of something on his face but whether it was suprise or fear, it wasn't there for long because a gentle squeeze on the trigger brought his life to a bloody end. All this man was, all he was ever going to be, was now crumpled in a heap next to his bike. The people of Panau are inevitably poor, and this nameless man before me was now even poorer.
Come peacefully?
Now the gamer readers of this blog will recognise Panau as being the fictitional island from the game Just Cause 2, and this is correct. The above is something I did in the game last night. But why? Why did I shoot this bike loving character? Of course games are not real and there is no consequence outside of the game to any actions you do, be they good or bad but last nights 'murder' of an innocent civilian going about his buisness was an eye opener for me. Its not the first time ive killed someone in cold blood in a game but its the first time I have stopped and actually thought about it.
Had I tapped into a evil sinkhole in my psyche, latent in reality but raging in the gamesworld like Jeffrey Dahmer in a kill frenzy? In life (the real one) I am the gentlest of souls, though you would never think of it to look at me, and I know I am the opposite in videogames but the killings in those are usually kept to the story in whatever game im currently playing. For instance when im shooting people in Grand Theft Auto its down to some mob bosses orders, and the targets are usually criminals themselves. Ive never really enjoyed mowing down pedestrians (like you can do), which just makes my actions last night in Just Cause 2 all the more baffling. Of course I keep reminding myself, people in videogames are not people at all, just a bunch of sprites assembled to look like people and there is no harm done when we decide to go psycho.
But creators of these games are now taking a more adult approach and we are seeing consequences in-game should you choose to travel that evil route. Look at Fable 2, where characters will avoid you like the plague if you have committed foul deeds against your fellow man. Or Oblivion where should you wish to become a vampire, preying on innocent villagers, then taverns and shops will welcome you no longer. Now besides from opening different branches and endings to a story, I think being held accountable for crimes in videogames is a great thing. Heck if nothing else it shows younger players (whose parents still insist on getting 15+ rated titles for their children) that there is a penalty for pulling a trigger or swinging a blade. It will make them stop and think like I did. Perhaps instead of games getting blamed for violence, maybe they'll get praise for showing the negative results that bloodshed and mayhem usually bring?
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Daisy Chains and Corpses
Looking out over this beautiful land from my seat high above West Wales has made me think; the time really has arrived where burials ought to be faded out and cremations made compulsory. Land is running out and do we really need to still be sticking our dead under the ground in 2012? Its seems a very medieval practice to me, something we ought to have gotten rid of a long time ago.
I chose the USA because its a bigger country and in America alone they bury:
827,060 gallons of embalming fluid (formaldehyde).
180,544,000 pounds of steel (on coffins).
5,400,000 pounds of copper/bronze.
30 million foot of exotic woods.
3,272,000,000 pounds of reinforced concrete for vaults.
28,000,000 pounds of steel.
That is a heck of a lot of materials to be rotting away underground. Is it still necessary? Fine woods turned into fancy coffins, silk for shrouds, and lets not forget the heavy lump of marble carved with angels and flowers to top it all off. "Here Lies Joseph Blogs, Sadly Missed, RIP", it proudly proclaims to nobody in particular. To me this is more about vanity than any deep sense of rememberance and mourning.
Rest in peace?
Of course religion has its part in the 'Cremation Versus Burial' debate but the Eastern Orthodox ecumenical patriarch of Constantinople (what a mouthful that is) announced in 1961 ~
"There is no formal Orthodox rule against cremation, but there is a heavy weight of custom and sentiment in favor of Christian burial."
So there you go, no rule against it and cremation would quickly become the custom if we channeled our sentiments elsewhere. Othewise all our lands will be taken up by graveyards, there will be little room for anything else. The cemetery in my hometown (Burry Port) for instance is on a hillside and has some wonderful views of the Gower but its almost full. A few more plots and you would be visiting the dead in a cow field.
It is a quite a queer mind that actually likes the thought of burial. To have ones earthly remains sealed in a tiny box and left to slowly rot, fodder for soil dwelling creatures whilse the living world rolls on above. Im sorry but thats not for me, it sounds very grim and creepy. I know it won't matter when im dead but im alive now and can hand-on-heart tell you that I would never wish for burial.
In the modern world everything is being compacted and downsized. You no longer need shelves crammed with videogames, films and music, all of these can be downloaded via the internet and stored on computer files. Cremation offers the same thing. No more fields filled with bodies of the deceased, no more mawking 'poetry' etched onto headstones. Let the fires carry your loved off into the wild winds, let them be blown over blue waters and scatter on lush green pastures. That sounds much more appealing surely? Given the choice over this or being left stinking down a small hole I know where my vote falls.
I chose the USA because its a bigger country and in America alone they bury:
827,060 gallons of embalming fluid (formaldehyde).
180,544,000 pounds of steel (on coffins).
5,400,000 pounds of copper/bronze.
30 million foot of exotic woods.
3,272,000,000 pounds of reinforced concrete for vaults.
28,000,000 pounds of steel.
That is a heck of a lot of materials to be rotting away underground. Is it still necessary? Fine woods turned into fancy coffins, silk for shrouds, and lets not forget the heavy lump of marble carved with angels and flowers to top it all off. "Here Lies Joseph Blogs, Sadly Missed, RIP", it proudly proclaims to nobody in particular. To me this is more about vanity than any deep sense of rememberance and mourning.
Rest in peace?
Of course religion has its part in the 'Cremation Versus Burial' debate but the Eastern Orthodox ecumenical patriarch of Constantinople (what a mouthful that is) announced in 1961 ~
"There is no formal Orthodox rule against cremation, but there is a heavy weight of custom and sentiment in favor of Christian burial."
So there you go, no rule against it and cremation would quickly become the custom if we channeled our sentiments elsewhere. Othewise all our lands will be taken up by graveyards, there will be little room for anything else. The cemetery in my hometown (Burry Port) for instance is on a hillside and has some wonderful views of the Gower but its almost full. A few more plots and you would be visiting the dead in a cow field.
It is a quite a queer mind that actually likes the thought of burial. To have ones earthly remains sealed in a tiny box and left to slowly rot, fodder for soil dwelling creatures whilse the living world rolls on above. Im sorry but thats not for me, it sounds very grim and creepy. I know it won't matter when im dead but im alive now and can hand-on-heart tell you that I would never wish for burial.
In the modern world everything is being compacted and downsized. You no longer need shelves crammed with videogames, films and music, all of these can be downloaded via the internet and stored on computer files. Cremation offers the same thing. No more fields filled with bodies of the deceased, no more mawking 'poetry' etched onto headstones. Let the fires carry your loved off into the wild winds, let them be blown over blue waters and scatter on lush green pastures. That sounds much more appealing surely? Given the choice over this or being left stinking down a small hole I know where my vote falls.
Monday 9 January 2012
Play To Bleed
It must be love
You know the old guitar cliche, 'played until my fingers bled'? This is what I do with videogames. If you would kindly glance upward at the photo you will see that this is no idle exaggeration. What games inspired such furious playtime? Jak & Daxter, Hyper Sports, Tekken 6, Far Cry 2, Green Beret and Batman Arkham City.
Where others talk, I actually do the walk. Im no stranger to blood in the pursuit of happiness. (Just ask my probably withered internal organs). If you want maximum thrills, you simply must be prepared to suffer slightly. (Or greatly depending on your mood). Blood is our Life and we shouldn't be afraid of it. It is the human swill.
And be advised this is not in anyway a reflection of poor joypad design because Sony, and to a lesser extent Microsoft, make fantastic console controllers and always have done. Its just ME, I always play to the extremes in whatever it is I do. Drink, sex, games, food, music, you name it, and i'll abuse it. I don't just do it, I pile on the chapters and bones and froth with it! Embrace it with as much gusto as a Great White shark tearing into a hapless juicy seal. This is me.
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Im Not R But....
Finally after 19 years, the killers of Stephen Lawrence are sentenced for their wicked crime. Dobson recieved a minimum of fifteen years and two months, while Norris got fourteen years and three months. The Lawrence family fought an uphill battle for nearly twenty years to get here, largely due to the simple fact that they were black. Shame on us all.
And don't for one second believe that its got any better since Stephen's murder in 1993 because it damned well hasn't. You will people utter the title of this article dy in, day out, all across the country, "Im not racist but..." and you just know the next words spilling from their mouths will be exactly that; RACIST. (By the way the reason I have omitted the rest of the letters after R is the poet in me wanted it to look more 'arty', whether it does or not).
One only has to look at current stories in football where some players have been accused of racially insulting each other to know that racism is far from gone. Its just that in a lot of instances, the 'style' of racism has changed, its not (football aside) as direct as it used to be. Its subtle but still as vile of course. I remember reading a story where Oprah Winfrey went shopping in Paris and she asked for a certain shop to stay open for her but they refused. There were hints that had it been a white celebrity, things would have been different. Now who knows for sure if this would have been the case but I know what I think. Subtle.
Simple enough for you?
And look at all the Islamophobia that has arised from the ashes of terrorist attacks. Some misguided souls now believe that ALL Muslims are terrorists, hell bent on whiping out the great white satan. It matters not that these atrocities were carried out by a tiny few, condemn them ALL seems to be the reasoning. I could post jokes about Allah and Islam on the internet all day and nobody is offended. (In fact I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot have foolishly convinced themselves that these jokes are based on fact. This is how dim they are).
Yet if I poke fun at, God forbid (pun intended), Christianity these same saps go quiet or tut like nuns at an orgy. The internet is rife with racism, one only has to visit a forum or read the comments under a news story dealing with the subject to see the evidence. (And not all forums are this way I hasten to add). I really had hoped the human race had advanced somewhat, and while most of us are , there are the sad, brainless few who keep holding us in the grip of ignorance. And fear. A lot of racism is down to fear.
And before you shoot this post down in bloody shreds, racism rears its ugly head in every group of colour or culture. For every white supremacist there is someone who dislikes whites. Its a big stinking smelting pot of hate, seeping its poison all over the land. Keeping us pinned to the wall of neanderthals where only one tribe can ever be perfect. Be honest, its nonsense. Nothing short of madness. Do we really want to go back to the days of segregation and all that crap? I for one do not wish to live in a such a horrid world. The subject shouldn't even be an issue, and I feel silly for writing about it in such supposed 'enlightened' times but some people need reminding; Racism IS wrong.
I suspect a lot of people who expect a ticket into their 'Heaven' when they finally flake out will be disappointed, as im almost sure religion *insert your pick here* and its associated prophets had something to say about hate. (Here's a hint, it wasn't good). Religion is where I have noticed racism creep in the most on my internet travels, having met a lot of white Christians (with litle Christian charity) who revel in mocking Muslims and Islam, believing it to be a 'religion of hate'. (And they do it without a hint of irony too). Of course were I to stray onto Muslim sites I know Id see similar rubbish going on there too.
Its a depressing state of affairs, and I fear for the furure of Mankind if this is the way it intends to carry on. Humanity seems to want, almost need aggravation to have something to do. I can sit on my porch some nights , looking up at the stars and despair at a world that is seemingly content to turn on hatred and fighting. (Little wonder I find the shine on a bottle so appealing).
Strip away the skin and you will find the heart and spirit of Man to be of equal value. This is as simple as its ever going to get and if you still don't understand then the grave that you will eventually make for yourself will be a very cold one indeed.
And don't for one second believe that its got any better since Stephen's murder in 1993 because it damned well hasn't. You will people utter the title of this article dy in, day out, all across the country, "Im not racist but..." and you just know the next words spilling from their mouths will be exactly that; RACIST. (By the way the reason I have omitted the rest of the letters after R is the poet in me wanted it to look more 'arty', whether it does or not).
One only has to look at current stories in football where some players have been accused of racially insulting each other to know that racism is far from gone. Its just that in a lot of instances, the 'style' of racism has changed, its not (football aside) as direct as it used to be. Its subtle but still as vile of course. I remember reading a story where Oprah Winfrey went shopping in Paris and she asked for a certain shop to stay open for her but they refused. There were hints that had it been a white celebrity, things would have been different. Now who knows for sure if this would have been the case but I know what I think. Subtle.
Simple enough for you?
And look at all the Islamophobia that has arised from the ashes of terrorist attacks. Some misguided souls now believe that ALL Muslims are terrorists, hell bent on whiping out the great white satan. It matters not that these atrocities were carried out by a tiny few, condemn them ALL seems to be the reasoning. I could post jokes about Allah and Islam on the internet all day and nobody is offended. (In fact I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot have foolishly convinced themselves that these jokes are based on fact. This is how dim they are).
Yet if I poke fun at, God forbid (pun intended), Christianity these same saps go quiet or tut like nuns at an orgy. The internet is rife with racism, one only has to visit a forum or read the comments under a news story dealing with the subject to see the evidence. (And not all forums are this way I hasten to add). I really had hoped the human race had advanced somewhat, and while most of us are , there are the sad, brainless few who keep holding us in the grip of ignorance. And fear. A lot of racism is down to fear.
And before you shoot this post down in bloody shreds, racism rears its ugly head in every group of colour or culture. For every white supremacist there is someone who dislikes whites. Its a big stinking smelting pot of hate, seeping its poison all over the land. Keeping us pinned to the wall of neanderthals where only one tribe can ever be perfect. Be honest, its nonsense. Nothing short of madness. Do we really want to go back to the days of segregation and all that crap? I for one do not wish to live in a such a horrid world. The subject shouldn't even be an issue, and I feel silly for writing about it in such supposed 'enlightened' times but some people need reminding; Racism IS wrong.
I suspect a lot of people who expect a ticket into their 'Heaven' when they finally flake out will be disappointed, as im almost sure religion *insert your pick here* and its associated prophets had something to say about hate. (Here's a hint, it wasn't good). Religion is where I have noticed racism creep in the most on my internet travels, having met a lot of white Christians (with litle Christian charity) who revel in mocking Muslims and Islam, believing it to be a 'religion of hate'. (And they do it without a hint of irony too). Of course were I to stray onto Muslim sites I know Id see similar rubbish going on there too.
Its a depressing state of affairs, and I fear for the furure of Mankind if this is the way it intends to carry on. Humanity seems to want, almost need aggravation to have something to do. I can sit on my porch some nights , looking up at the stars and despair at a world that is seemingly content to turn on hatred and fighting. (Little wonder I find the shine on a bottle so appealing).
Strip away the skin and you will find the heart and spirit of Man to be of equal value. This is as simple as its ever going to get and if you still don't understand then the grave that you will eventually make for yourself will be a very cold one indeed.
Sunday 1 January 2012
Mr Jakes 2012 Predictions
That sappy Nicholas Cage will die.
Executions will fall again.
Britain will bring back flogging.
Swansea will stay in the premier league.
North Korea will blow itself up.
England will finally become civilized.
Scarlets win the Magners league.
Videogames get accepted as the new film.
Slippers become cool.
Everyone suddenly starts spealking Welsh.
George Lucas dies.
Jesus makes good on his word and pops back for a visit.
So does Satan.
Sharks start to walk the earth.
The compact disc is gone.
Ditto penguins.
Whisky begins flowing from taps (faucets).
Football blows itself up.
Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.
Uwe Boll makes a good film.
Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.
Everyone finally understads British humour.
Colour is spelt COLOUR.
2012 Olympics will be a total disaster.
Executions will fall again.
Britain will bring back flogging.
Swansea will stay in the premier league.
North Korea will blow itself up.
England will finally become civilized.
Scarlets win the Magners league.
Videogames get accepted as the new film.
Slippers become cool.
Everyone suddenly starts spealking Welsh.
George Lucas dies.
Jesus makes good on his word and pops back for a visit.
So does Satan.
Sharks start to walk the earth.
The compact disc is gone.
Ditto penguins.
Whisky begins flowing from taps (faucets).
Football blows itself up.
Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.
Uwe Boll makes a good film.
Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.
Everyone finally understads British humour.
Colour is spelt COLOUR.
2012 Olympics will be a total disaster.
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