Little Man In Yellow

So in the news today, a grandmother has been fined seventy five quid by a 'litter enforcer'. Why? Did she leave a half eaten parcel of chips on the pavement for the seagulls to finish off? Or fly-tip a few moth eaten sofas and a manky fridge in a hedge? Nope, neither of these. So what gives? Why the £75 for granny? It seems a strand of cotton had come free and fallen from her glove, which was spotted by the 'enforcer' who promptly wrote out the fine. Oh my good God! Send for the stocks and rotting vegetables! This lady needs put in place!
What a farce! What absolute tosh! More proof that these jobsworths are nothing more than pocket sadists, who believe the gnats privates amount of power they hold give them the might of kings. Pathertic little turds! Anyone with even half a mind could see that falling thread from clothing does not constitute deliberate littering. Are the council employing retarded half wits these days to tick some quota or something? Looks like it from where im typing.
Happily for the lady involved, it seems that Blaenau Gwent council have seen sense and revoked the fine after 'an investigation', but I hope they give her a few pounds extra for the stress and humiliation caused. Afterall money is tight for everyone these days and finding £75 is a big ask from pensioners, and no doubt her name was published in the 'fines column' of her local paper. Oh and sack the wally who issued the fine too. Jumped up tosspot.
Im all for clamping down on litter louts (hell id introduce a Corrective Work Order scheme like Singapore), but common sense must be applied when punishing people. A single thread of cotton falling from a glove? Hardly a skip full of rubble and broken chairs is it? Also whats with the title 'Litter Enforcer'? Is this what these cretins are officially called? If it is then its little wonder such pencil pushing bullies are attracted to the job because the word 'enforcer would make the worms feel like Judge Dredd. My guess is 70% of them daydream of having had a career in special forces but I digress.
Im glad the council involved realised their mistake and scrapped the fine and I would love to believe issues like this are few and far between but I can't see it myself. Afterall you give a sheriffs badge to someone who has no real, legitimate power and you create a monster. With a small penis.

The Walrus Stole My Bicycle

Queen and The Beatles, two of the best known and most successful groups ever to have existed on this crusty old planet. Their combined albums would probably generate enough hit singles to actually power said crusty planet and their live performances are legendary (or so im told.) And yet for all of these successes and glories I am not, or ever have been, a fan.
In fact it goes a little deeper than simply disliking them, I thoroughly detest their music and not a tune I have heard convinces me otherwise. Actually thats wrong, there IS one track by Queen which I don't mind but can't for the life of me remember the title, such is the impact these two acts have on me.
I don't know why but I find the songs childish and listening to an entire album by The Beatles would be a torment for me. In all honesty I would rather suck blisters. In fact I know very little of their songs having never knowingly listened to them but what I have heard ive thought rubbish. And im not saying this to appear different or be a cool kid apart from the masses, I genuinely think the music to be juvenile and in some instances clutching at straws.
On the flip side I do regard Freddie Mercury as one of the best frontmen to have stepped on stage, he had the glamour and a commanding presence which DEMANDED the audience to look at him. A fine voice too and a guy who was destined to be famous doing whatever he chose. The trouble was (for me) that Freddie was in the wrong band. Controversial thing to say to fans of Queen but of course im merely stating my opinion. I would have loved to see him front a band like AC/DC or Whitesnake. (There was another fantastic frontman - Bon Scott.)
The only redeeming feature of The Beatles was George Harrison. I enjoyed his tune about a weeping guitar (however tacky) and the Travelling Willburys were cool but The Beatles left me cold. How Lennon can be called a great songwriter is beyond me. And that Imagine jingle was the biggest pile of rancid phlegm ever to have seeped from a speaker. Drugged and lost in his own pantomime where he thought himself some kind of guru, Lennon was a man who believed everyone loved him. He saw himself as a walking piece of art and im convinced that as soon as he closed the door on the world and retreated to the privacy of his inner sanctum, he laughed at everyone. Thats right, laughed AT his legions of fans. I don't wish to sound heartless but im glad he's not around today.
But enough on the band members, lets look at their music. The reader will have to excuse me not knowing many titles but ones I do know are 'Help' 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' and im struggling now. One about an octopus in the sea, oh yes and a Yellow Submarine! Its all very tiring and there is nothing fantastically creative there, any teenager given enough acid could come up with it. I think a lot of people believe that because its The Beatles then they MUST love them because surely I can't be the only man alive who think they sound like chimps with xylophones?
Nothing they or Queen have written (apart from the nameless Queen song) have ever shaken my spirit and got my foot tapping merrily along. They're just a boring bunch of acts and I will always be STUNNED at how well they both did. Still as the old saying goes, there is none so queer as folk eh Fred?