I Love Sugar

Sugar rush: hitting all the right notes

I have been an avid porn consumer (that sounds SOOO right!) since the age of 13 when adult magazines used to 'fall' in my schoolbag like they were addicted to my biro ink and tippex. And when I passed for 18 when I was only 15 the hard ons really began. By the way, all that grot hasn't made me blind but I do still feel as fresh now as I did in my teens. But this is to be expected because as any connoisseur of pornography knows, a good skin flick keeps you young!
I have watched a ton of these movies (and then some) and due to my dedication to celluloid bonking I feel rightly qualified in being able to suggest some great titles of the adult silver screen.
Candy's Little Sister, Sugar is one such film. Made in 1988, I saw this when it was first released and it is is a horny piece of XXX cinema. So track it down (its available on the interwebz) and follow dim witted Sugar (Ariel Knight) as she attempts to find a fortune that her uncle Wilbur has left her in his will, so that she can realise her dream of attending word processing school. (I say fortune, old pervy Wilb has only left her $2,434).
There are some real porn legends in Candy's Little Sister, Sugar including Laurel Canyon, Mike Horner, Nina Hartley, Peter North and the late John Leslie as the improbably named Johnny Dooropener.
A wonderful blue movie that caters for every 'taste'. *wink*

Buried Without A Glance

When I was a lot younger than the youngster I am even now; when I had interest in sticklebacks in jam jars and jawbreakers, I was told when I asked of death (its fascinated me since birth) that everyone is born with a spiritual Elf who is reeling the soul in with invisible thread. We each have alloted time on earth and when the thread runs out we cross over to the soul lounge. This is how it was explained to my young (and impressed) self.
Now as we do not know when our line runs out, or how fast the Elf is winding it in, I am going to publish in this here blog all the popular books, film, music, etc that I have never picked up. Ignored. Shunned. Passed by. Refused. Could not be assed.

**** DISCLAIMER ****
Im not trying to be the cool, indifferent guy here who hates all the popular sh!t. Hell I love Abba, Coronation Street, bacon, beer and Clint Eastwood and nothing is more appreciated than those things (aside from the soap opera). Its simply how I feel and how ive always felt.


Comprende?

Then I'll begin...

Star Trek

The only time I have ever watched this is when Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan came on the television once around a hundred years ago. I gave it a chance and watched the first half hour before concluding that my life wouldn't be the poorer without it. In fact the opposite seemed very clear. So all of these Spock references that others have made over the years have fallen dead at my feet like fumigated weasels and flat, warm lager.

The Beatles and Queen

My dislike for these bands is well known and I have written about it in other posts. I have never listened to an album by either of these acts, and only heard whats been played on the radio (until I reach the station tuner). Im no musician but they both have boring sounds (in my opinion) and their lyrics border on the childish. And yet they were huge. Weird.

Comedians

I have never ever once watched anything by the likes of Steve Coogan, Caroline Aherne, Jack Dee, Peter Kay etc etc. I dont watch television much and this bunch would get me no nearer the remote.

James Bond

Out of all these films Ive watched two right through (Tomorrow Never Dies and Casino Royale) and two I got to halfway (Octopussy and Living Daylights). I never understood the appeal of spy movies and Bond in my opinion was an utterly unimpressive one. Bored me until my teeth itched.

Harry Potter

Never read the books or watched the films. I would rather peel my eyeballs and dunk my fingers in a meat mincer. I couldn't give a flying f**k about any of this rubbish.

Elegant Parcel

I, Steven Francis, poet, writer and soul groomer, have captured the embodiment of Elegance. Bow to her and drink deep from the photographs above! Now a part of the gate has opened, I shall continue on this journey....

Texacution

The Wine Is On The House

Excuse the cheap title, its a sunday and I feel lazy.
The world and its cockles know that singer Amy Winehouse died yesterday (July 23rd) and most of the people were deeply saddened by the news. A young woman, blessed with talent in abundance, gone too soon to the rock gig in the sky. Although I am a keen supporter of hard living, I do feel for her family and loved ones who are left with broken hearts. I know only too well what its like to lose cherished people to drink and drugs, and even when you expect it, its never easy when the curtain does eventually fall.
Personally speaking I would have loved to have met up with Amy and shared a few shots but thats for another time now.
What is annoying however is the medias obssession with this Club 27 rubbish. Joplin, Hendrix, Morrison, Cobain and now Amy all dead at age 27. *Cue Twilight music* Is it only me who thinks its simply coinsidence? I dont believe that somewhere in the Afterlife there is an exclusive club for tarnished rock stars. They all indulged in drugs and had the money to do so freely, thats what offed them so young. Not some hokus pokus jinx of an age.
Straying slightly, this news does reinforce what I hhave always believed; talent always comes at a price. Its a damned shame that Ms Winehouse had to pay after only two albums. Her music was not my usual cup of tea but I could listen to it at times without switching to something harder. Something harder. Yes the tick which allows some of us to conjure up great words and music always drives us toward the Something Harder nail.
Amy's tune 'Rehab' covered it perfectly I feel. When her family and 'handlers' tried telling her to seek some help, she not only dismissed the idea completely but released a massive "F**K YOU" to them. Publicly. (I did it myself with my poem "The ChampionLand". I went to rehab but there was no way I meant to get sober and Im still drinking to this day).
Yes its sad whats happened but my sympathies lay with her family. This young lady wasn't stupid, she knew what she was doing as all us boozehounds do. We realise death is creeping up on us but its our life.

Insert (Last) Coin

We all know about last meals on death row. The condemned gets to choose whatever snack they fancy before getting sent on a long bye bye. (Cawl & a Welsh fry up for me). But lets change the scenario for the gamers among us. Nevermind about food, which games would you play if it was your last 24 hours on earth? And seeing as there is a $20 limit in most states as to what the inmate can order, lets put a 10 game limit here.

My Last Games List ~

1. Shenmue
2. Resident Evil 2
3. Metal Gear Solid
4. Ghosts n' Goblins
5. Batman Arkham Asylum
6. Red Dead Redemption
7. Double Dragon
8. Jak & Daxter
9. Tombi
10. Rage Racer

Make Mine A Stella

Stella ~ quite a transformation

Cards on the table here. Coronation Street is my favourite soap opera. In fact its my only soap opera, after having left the misery of Albert Square many years ago (one factor being that I hate cockney accents) and never been much for Emmerdale. I was also a huge fan of Welsh language soap Pobl Y Cwm and I must get back into that soon.
Anyway, Michelle Collins. Who would have thunk it? As everyone in Britain and their gerbil knows, she played Cindy Beale in Corrie rivals Eastenders but has just recently turned up on the Weatherfield cobbles. And bloody hell, she looks fabulous, really stunning! I can't believe the actress is 50 either, she looks like a really fit 30 year old.
Funny how when I used to watch her previous soap (Arthur Fowler was still in it back then), I used to think Michelle Collins/Cindy Beale a very plain looking woman. Not my type at all.
Fastfoward a few years, away from the London grime and into the Rover's Return however, and Michelle/Stella is definately my type. That is one bombshell of a barmaid and anyone who disagrees can step outside for a ding dong on the cobbles, as Norris looks on. First the sultry Carla and now sex kitten barmaid Stella. Oh to live in Weatherfield.