Thug Idol

Are we really all that bothered by acts of violence in sports? Boxers David Haye and Derek Chisora ended up brawling at press conference and after the initial faux outrage in the headlines from newspapers and calls for lifetime bans, everything calmed down to the extent that this pair are now due to meet in a big figh night at Upton Park which will earn each of them nice paydays. And yesterday footballer Joey Barton saw red (again) and even after being handed a red card went on to try and headbutt and kick other players. Yet again there was the initial calls for Barton's head and banishment from football but this morning reports say he could only be facing a nine match ban. Like I said, faux outrage.
Whatever happened to sportsmanship and respect for the opposition? We are not that sincere when we say we would like to see it in our sporting events because we allow the thugs to continue to thrive and to hell with any decency. The commentators and journalists who condemn thuggery in one breath but say the player should carry on playing in another are simply pillars of bullshit and ought to be ignored like the idiots they support.


Handbags at dawn

Now im not for one minute saying players shouldn't be passionate about winning and obviously there are going to be times when aggression spills over in the heat of the moment but there must be a limit or else anarchy will reign which will cost the wholesome image of sport very dearly indeed. Do you doubt me? Well more fool you because I already believe that football is a game played only by brainless thugs who wouldn't know respect if it butted them in the face, and im not the only one so yes, by allowing players to get away with causing scenes like the one I witnessed yesterday by Barton it is indeed damaging. Is that really fair on those few who do play fairly and keep their anger in check? I don't want to dump players like David Beckham, who seems like a decent family man into the same Gucci labelled basket as oafs like Joey Barton and Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne but I can't help it. Football for me is a game played largely by pondlife and uneducated bozos, sorry Becks.
But of course it isn't only football which is guilty of 'yobbery' and I apologise for almost making it seem so. There are men (interestingly not so much women) in every sporting field who have crossed the line from being 'colourful' to downright hooligan. I dont have a problem with colourful sportsmen (think the late Brian Clough), they are much needed and sport would be infinately less without them. What sport doesn't need are people like the ones I mention in the first paragraph of this post and the sooner sporting authorities or officials realise this and ban them for LIFE the better. Believe me, football and boxing would be the richer from ditching violent thugs. Children have enough rotten role models with 'gangsta' rappers and idiot television programmes, without showing them that disgraceful behaviour can pay in sport.

Nevermind the Ifs, Drink the Water

This is going to annoy some religious folk but it needs saying and I care little for any offence caused because in my eyes it is you who are being offensive. On the subject of gay marriage you can all pack your bags and leave on the following train out of civilisation. Go back to worshipping sticks and begetting each others oxen because your opinion is neither wanted or needed and it was wonderful to hear the President of the United States on Wednesday publicly support it (making him the first President in history to do so). Good for you Mr Obama!
I dont understand why religion and God are brought into the gay marriage debate. There is a huge chance that it really is to dust we return after death, and that holy books merely mans fairytales and hope in what becomes of our immortal souls. A hope born of
fear of dying. God may actually not be God.
Why deny yourself a love you know to be 100% true out of fear of the wrath of a God who may or may not exist? And even if this Supreme Being does exist, we cannot truly know His mind. He could be in favour of gay marriage and its just those Christians who are againt it putting words into his mouth for their own ends/beliefs. Its all IFS and BUTS, supposition and arguments. all against a backdrop of certainty (as far as the gay couple is concerned). Knowing that you are content within yourself is all that should matter, do not sacrifice it for the the maybes in this world. That path leads to turmoil, and the wise will be be true to themselves before anything else.
Why is the marriage between two men or women such a big deal anyway? This world is slowly turning to a swab of cotton soaked with blood and tears, and we worry about who is marrying who? A perfect nonsense! Which rather proves why Mankind took so long to evolve and attain enlightenment (which we still haven't fully grasped as this silly debate shows). Three hundred years ago we were putting young women on bonfires because a skin blemish such as a mole on her neck marked her out as a witch. We dont do that anymore. One hundred and fifty years ago we thought it was okay to force children up chimneys in order to clean them. We don't do that anymore. And not so long ago, we thought slavery to be acceptable. We don't anymore.
You can clearly see where im going and whether one is in favour of same sex couples marrying or not, pretty soon it won't matter because they WILL be afforded the same equality and rights that straight couples enjoy. The doubters and those inflicted with narrow minds can shout and stamp their feet, throw their petty arguments and spite around all they want, but they will (and soon) be swept aside by the voice of common reason from their fellow man. (And if they were to further carry on the bitterness, be utterly lost and swallowed by their own hate). Reason being that marriage is marriage is MARRIAGE, and the backward thinkers and pew sitters can be left alone to wallow in their uncivilised cesspits. And to think these fools call gays such names as 'abominations' and 'evil'. Cretins never cease to amaze (and amuse) me, and I only wonder if they don't think the same of disabled people and those with different skin colour. Afterall it wouldn't be such a giant leap to make.
Listen, the real abominations of this world are not those folks who are in same sex relationships. The real evil are not those who Love and care for each other. No, the truly rotten crew are those who seek to poison everything with pious rantings and those who would wish eternal damnation on others purely because they choose to live a different way. A pox on them all! they are so blinded by hatred they cannot recognise the poppycock they spout but the hour will come when they wake up from their mental slumber. I can only hope that they do it before the bitterness entirely consumes them because a soul fed hatred will be a soul in torment come the encore after the final curtain falls on their life.
Live, Love and be not tempted to judge others. Care not what the gods and idols think (or what you think they think) , and never be so sure that you know all truths from holy books. This life is vast and forever turning forward, moving onto newer pastures where we ought to remeber lessons learned from earlier mistakes in order to make today and tomorrow better than yesterday. .

Appy To Be Onboard

Dai Jakes is fairly new to the iPhone craze but it hasn't taken long to get the app bug and what with there being an app (application) for anything and everything (there is even a 'whale alert' app fer Chrissakes), today I am going to list Mr Jakes' favourite ones. I must admit, I initially thought smartphone apps were overrated and silly, only used by geeky teenagers and bored buisnessmen but im willing to admit I was wrong on this score. After using a fair few now I would certainly miss them if they were to suddenly disappear. Im really appy with them (and yes I HAD to do that.) So let us roll out the Jakes apps and remember, this list is in no particular order with number 5 being just as cool/useful as number 1.

1. Flipboard (free)

This lets you have all your social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and news all in one place. Its simple to use and has a nice design which lets you flip pages upward with one finger swipe. If you happen to be a neat freak and want all your most read news and game/film reviews in one place you should download Flipboard immediately. Top drawer stuff!

2. Morrisons supermarket (free)

Great for shoppers, this app gives you nearest stores, special offers and even lets you create a handy shopping list by simply ticking desired foods from their food list. I was expecting the special offers selection to be out of date for some reason but im happy to report its bang up to date. If Morrisons is your supermarket, get the app.

3. Red Laser (free)

Have a barcode fetish? Want to know the price of a DVD and compare prices to sites such as eBay? Red Laser lets you do just that. You can make lists of wanted items and it can even recognise photographs as well as read barcodes. And it WORKS! Really well! It even recognised my rare coffin edition Cradle of filth CD. I always thought barcode readers were purely gimmicks but they can be very handy, especially as it compares prices from eBay, Amazon, HMV, etc.

4. Playstation 1 Collector (£2.49p)

Being a retro videogame player/collector I was seriously impressed when I stumbled across this app. Best £2.49p ive ever spent. This has EVERY Playstation 1 title ever made, and it tells you how rare and valuable each game is. Want to make a list of your collection and tick off titles as you collect? Sure thing. The app gives fabulous box art and lets you create wanted/remaining list as well. Lists lists! We love a good list on Dai Jake's Book!


The Playstation Collector app


5. Bing (free)

Find your nearest shops, cinemas, restraunts, docors, schools, weather, parks, police, damn near EVERYTHING. Ok some things are out of date, for instance it showed a post office in Carmarthen thats been closed for years, but its a minor gripe when most things are present and correct. It has world/UK news, images and videos too but the local stuff is where Bing shines best.

6. British Red Cross first aid (free)

If you own an iPhone, you really must get this great app. You never know when an emergency might rear its ugly head and this covers everything from treating broken bones to lacerations. It even lets you test yourself and awards you different achievments when you pass. Super cool! You can also call the emergency services by tapping a red box. Brilliant app that could well be a life saver. Download it NOW!

7. Flixster (free)

Movie fan? Then you probably got this already but if you don't, you know what to do. This not only finds nearest cinemas but it also tells you whats playing in them and the times. Want to see a trailer? Can do! It covers all the new releases plus lists the top DVD releases.

8. TV Catchup (free)

Now I don't watch television but I downloaded this for the WOW factor (and for Sky News). This app lets you watch all the channels that you get on Freeview from BBC1 to Price Drop TV. And there is absolutely NO buffering! It streams flawlessly and the sound is good. I dreamt of stuff like this as a child.

9. iBooks (free)

Speaks for itself really. A library in your pocket from the Classics to current bestsellers. At reasonable prices too! And some are free like the app itself. If you don't mind reading from a phone screen, there has never been a better time to catch up on works by the greats. All downloaded books sit on a virtual wooden shelf so it looks very swish.

10. WebMD (free)

Symptom checker, conditions, drugs & treatments, first aid info, local health listings.This app has it all to find out whatever it is that ails you. I found all my prescribed medicines on it and its extremely informative.

So these are Dai Jakes top ten but I must mention Pulse and Feedly also. Both are free and are similar to Flipboard in that they have news from a variety of online newspapers/magazines all in one place. If you are new to apps or are a non believer like I was, download these today and prepare to be impressed and informed. With over 500,000 applications (some paid, some free) its easy to get a bit overwhelmed by it all so hope this helps you get started on your digital journey.

Coming up next: Dai Jake's Book favourite iPhone games.

Ouch!

The Conservatives got a drubbing from Labour in Wales (indeed all over the UK) after the local elections yesterday. (The less said about the LibDems the better but Nick Clegg has just said he is "very sad" at the news. Here Nick, have a hanky.) We here at Dai Jake's Book believe it was the humble pastie that did it. That was a prod too far and one should never under estimate the power of savoury snacks. The UK needs a major change in political parties because folk are getting tired of the ConLab Two Headed Beast and I dont see them taking much more. Lets give other parties an opportunity to shine so that we may have a real chance at change.
Anything is better than the current mess Britain is in. We don't want a country that has to ask Brussels' permission to deport suspected terrorists. Is Great Britain, this once proud and noble land, not better than that? I dread to think what Churchill would say of us were he to come back today. The Land of Hope and Glory no longer rules the waves but is almost sinking beneath them and this makes Mr Jakes sad. We could do with a fresh new political party to guide us back on the right track, a party for Britain, a party that is truly for Briatin. The ConLab Beast is dying.

Eagle Loving Eagle because of Hooked Beaks

Are we programmed for automatic love? For instance if a relative adds another baby to the clan, do you instantly love that child? and if so, why? I suspect many to be shocked that I would question this because afterall, we have been conditioned to love family for centuries and we think its natural but is it really? You are an eagle, as am I, therefore I must love you. It really is quite astounding that the majority of people have just accepted this as God given. Close family units I can understand but when family are more fleeting than meeting then I am at a loss to how folk can think that blood is thicker than water.
Who would love a relative they've not seen or spoken to in years more than a dear friend they see daily in the pub or at the rugby? And why? Just because they happen to share the same surname or eyebrows? Seems awfully silly to me. On God's teeth, I have more love for the buzzards and red kites that hover my land hunting for rabbit, than I ever will have for some second cousin living in Hampshire who ive not seen in twenty years to life. (I have no cousin in Hampshire but you catch my drift.) Perhaps not coming from a close family myself makes the 'automatic love' easier to question. (My family used to be quite close but death makes a mockery of it when it decides to throw its skeletal hand in and mix things up.) I will admit that whenever I used to find myself at family gatherings (rare as unicorn horns) the body language and 'uncomfortableness' was as clear as dawn to me. A 30ft Tyrannosaurus could have made a better job of disguising itself and I would suddenly realise WHY some families are better off without such affairs. Forgive me my dears but I can spot a pretend smile in a pocket full of clowns so spare me the plastic dramatics and pass me a scotch.
Funerals are best to expose this fraud. "Oh we must meet again under happier circumstances!" One great aunt will offer. And of course everyone will agree but it never materialises, ever. Its just talk. I suppose peoples intentions are good but when it comes to putting good intent into action then most think its too much trouble. If one gave it more than a fleeting thought, it could get quite depressing. So best leave it on the back burner with ideas of meeting again under better times.
So why oh why should I love my second cousin in Hampshire more than a dear friend? Because we share the same aunt or something? Its hogwash I tell you, puerile bullshit and I wont, cannot subscribe to it. It defies logic and my loyalties will always be toward the friend I see often rather than any family ive not seen since Noah built the Ark.

A New Royal Nipper?

A tabloid newspaper asks today if its time for William and Kate to have babies? Egad! How glad Dai Jakes is at not being a member of the Royal family. To have ones personal affairs probed and put to public polls like some tawdry real life soap opera. (Although to be fair its not only monarchy this obssession with snooping in on private lives is limited to.) The couple have only been married five minutes and already the diaper brigade are revving their woolly bootied engines in anticipation of a new royal sprog. Who will he/she look like? What will he/she be named? Will he/she have grandad Chucks ears? Once one red top paper starts, the others won't be far behind in trying to whip up excitement for the Second Coming HRH. (Or is that Third or Fourth Coming? Theres been so many of the blighters its difficult keeping up.)
As long time readers of this blog will know, Mr Jakes is not what you would call an ardent supporter of the monarchy, and while I acknowledge the Queen has done a fine job, Id be happy to see it come to an end after her reign. Damn, I sailed off course again! Where was I? Oh yes babies. I just hope whatever new ankle biter comes William and Kates way, he/she doesn't have mums stapled smile and dads shall we say, rather fine hair. And I dont mean 'fine' as in 'grand'. In fact I can give you dear readers an exclusive Dai Jake's Book preview of what I think the new royal nipper will look like right now. Behold!

the Jake's royal impression

Not exactly Rolf Harris I know but you get the idea. Bet I will not be that far off either. Toodle pip!

P.S. If next week im writing this blog from the Tower of London, you'll know why.

Hmmmm....

Human beings are a funny old mob. When a horse dies running at the Grand National there are cries of "ban the racing!" yet when a person dies running the London Marathon there is nothing, not a whimper. Why is this? Do we love animals more than our fellow man/woman? Some people readily admit they do although a report of an increase in animal cruelty from the RSPCA today suggests otherwise. But if we do, isn't this misguided and wrong? To love say a cat over another human? I don't know if you aware of this but the feeling isn't mutual and if pusskins could open a tin you'd not see his furry ass for dust. Ditto for Rover. And don't tut, its true.
Ive often wondered how these types of people would last in the wilderness with just animals to talk to for the rest of their lives. There is only so far one can hold a one way conversation, and the love making isn't up to much either unless you happen to think its okay to fancy bears and wolves.
Its fine to care for our furry/feathered/scaley friends but when it overtakes our compassion for our fellow man, it gets silly. Afterall animals are below us whatever you think. We eat them remember? KFC and the Golden Arches are testament to how much we REALLY love animals and aside from the deluded hippies who live on cabbage, this is how it should be.