Oh Dear...Strike One

I don't know, Mr Jakes goes away for a few days (blasted computer) and on return finds the UK up to its hairly ears in pasties, stamps & petrol. Tax here, strikes there, and a government tripping over itself in its oversized brogues. Tut tut! What are we to do? The petrol stations have been choked to the pumps for the last two days with lunatics cramming as much petrol as they can into tanks and jerrycans, preparing as if world apocalypse were around the corner. And now we hear that one lady is fighting for her life after an accident with fuel in her kitchen. (That bit of advice about "storing some petrol in a jerrycan in the shed" doesn't seem so wise now). Dear me what a week! Still Gorgeous George did well last night in Bradford eh? I like George Galloway. Ever since I watched him give the American Senate a black eye back in 2005, I admired his punchy attitude.

Machete Dai

Machete never forgets!

Mr Jakes' Great Golf Skive!

A new way to spend those long hours at the office when paperwork doesn't seem so attractive. Carpet golf!

** Currently No Signal **

Cue tumbleweeds

Its been five days since I had my paws on mobile phone (cell phone to US readers) and it must said, im not missing it one bit. Well not strictly true, I do miss the camera/video capture and my tunes but other than those, nope! I can go walk in the countryside or along the coast and nobody can reach me. So liberating! And don't get me wrong, im not some hippy type who is unhappy being hooked up to technology which follows me everywhere I go. Ive just had a gut full of phones. Heck I spent the first 25 years of my life without one so it wasnt hard to get shot of it.
I will keep updating this post to show how im getting on.

P.S. I'll still carry a mobile, but only an older one and purely for the camera/video feature. The SIM won't be active.

Dangers and Jackpots

One day I am going to win big on the lottery. Its not a case of 'might' or 'if', I will. How can I be so sure? Easy, luck is on my side in this life and I have been blessed with it when I needed it the most. Indeed I wouldn't even be writing this now if luck wasn't on my shoulder, I would be dead. An dead many times over. Lets take a look at some of th near fatal e mishaps thats cropped up during my relatively short time on the planet:

1. Fell head first into a narrow and deep well in my great aunts garden. Fortunately my brother pulled me out or I would surely have drowned.
2. Fell from a tree, onto a garage roof, rolled from the roof onto a wall then bounced off the wall to the ground. Not even a scratch.
3. Placed metal objects in electrical mains.
4. Fell 40ft down the side of a mountain onto a main road.
5. Numerous alchol overdoses. At one stage I amazed the doctors by not having vitamins in my body. Alcohol had depleted them.
6. Rodea motorbike off a ramp and landed on a railway track. (Where the Millenium Coastal park is now, just outside Burry Port).
7. Climbing a 100ft quarry face with no rope or any safety equipment.
8. Skateboarding and ending up in front of an oncoming truck. Pretty hairy that was!
9. Running out onto the road and hitting a car. No injuries.
10. Almost getting swept out to sea.


Me on my homemade half pipe ramp

Those are just the top ten 'classics' but its safe to assume that since I have never broken a bone or recieved stitches for wounds from knives (I used to play regularly with throwing daggers and shurikens in my youth) that some kind of good luck rides with me on this earthly journey. And this is why my six numbers will come up for me one day. Indeed they have once but that was on the Thunderball and I dont play that. Shame as I would have won £250,000 but shit happens. I can wait.
And no, im not telling you the numbers.

Fists Of Fury

Phone number 11

Some people should never have pets. I should never own a mobile phone. As you can see dear reader, I break them too easily when they decide not to work. Perhaps I have anger management issues but its only ever gadgets I have directed my fury at, never a person or animal. These things have no soul so why not crush them if they don't work like they should? It relieves a lot of stress, believe you me! Okay it would be cheaper to buy a stress ball but I like seeing things crack. I like to look at something that stubbornly refused to function properly all twisted and smashed. Breaking stuff is fun, you cannot deny that.
Its part of the reason im a fan of such hardcore bands as the wonderful Cannibal Corpse, because its a rush. The music is brutal and blows the cobwebs away. I hate being frustrated with machines and gadgets like videos, laptops and phones and many of all those have met with a crunchy demise at my hands. I threw a video recorder through a window once and that was pretty overkill I'll admit but it felt good.
Now ive come acrooss as some kind of mindless vandal but I can assure you im not. I simply want things to work. Is that too much to ask? I understand nothing is fail safe but there you go.
I can't see me buying another mobile because its pretty pathetic how some folk let their cell phone rule every aspect of their lives. They must have very shallow souls. No offence meant.

24 Hour Shopping Shocker!

So Chinless George will announce on wednesday (Dai Jakes is announcing it today) that sunday trading laws will be relaxed while the Olympics is on to allow us to enjoy 24 hour shopping. Nevermind that nobody has any money to buy anything eh Georgie?
Whoo! 24 hour shopping! Stand back in amazement! Is it just me or does it seem terribly old fashioned that shops don't open 24 hours anyway? We have pubs open sunday all day, 24 hour banking and internet shopping. Seems odd to have to wait for a store to open on the high street. I doubt people will be that bothered to be honest because like I said, we're all broke.