Revealing My Stocking

Righto, the festive season is almost upon us (it IS upon us according to the shop windows) and I thought it would be time to reveal what I would like to get at the foot of the bed. Or to be more accurate, WHO I would like to unwrap at the foot of the bed. (Or anywhere.) I got this idea from my friend Lesley when she posted a Bon Jovi song on Facebook last night.
So without further ado, let me unveil my dames of honour!

1. Dame Helen Mirren


Is it hot in here?

She might be 65 but this Dame (and a real one to boot!) has been my number one dream lady ever since I saw her in the steamy but brilliant, The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover in 1989. Like a fine wine, she gets more delicious with age and is probably looking her finest now in her 65th year. I can honestly say I have never seen a bad photograph of Dame Helen Mirren, she is absolutely perfect. And not only does she have the looks, she can act. I mean really, REALLY act. I love her.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 10/10 Bells-A-Jingling

2. Emily Deschanel


Id go vegan for her

Oh to have the beautiful Emily appear in my Christmas stocking! (Or in her Christmas stocking im easy.) She plays a doctor in popular crime drama Bones, and while she is usually more interested in dead 'patients' she could give me a good going over anytime of the year, not just the Silly Season. Ms Deschanel is a strict vegan and while I will not make any vulgar gags about meat eating, I will say she could turn me vegan whenever she wanted.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 9½ Bells-A-Jingling

3. Alison King


A real street angel

This seriously hot lady will not be familiar to readers outside of the UK but she plays a boss of an underwear factory in soap opera Coronation Street. Let me just say that id sooner see Alison covered in tinsel than a pine tree. And that smoky, seductive voice of hers sends the rhinos down my tingling spine.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 9½ Bells-A-Jingling

4. Seka


Platinum bombshell

Seka (or Dorothea Patton to her family) is proof that Virginia has given the world much more than eight US Presidents. I first saw 56 year old Seka in the porno flick Passion Seka in the 80s and was instantly smitten. And much like Helen Mirren above, she has managed to keep hold of her looks. The goose would definately be ignored should Seka/Dorothea ever decide (in my fantasies) to turn up at the foot of my bed.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 9 Bells-A-Jingling

5. Serena Williams

Serving all my aces

At a youthful 29 years, Serena is the secomd youngest hottie on my list. Currently ranked at no.4 in ladies tennis, she is one of the few athletes who are able to look strong and intimidating on court while looking both girly and sultry in her leisure time. And yowzer! Those legs! I could lick them day and night. (Steady on - nervous Ed) Another lady who could make my Christmas sherry wait.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 9 Bells-A-Jinging

6. Candace Kusculain


Christmas candy

The Walls Of Jericho singer is a true metal gal; attitude, tattoos, flaming red hair, with a voice of growling, hardcore brilliance! You struggle at times to believe that such a powerful voice could lie beneath such a (very) pretty face. An American Dream for sure, and the sizzling type that I wouldn't mind waking up to have. Gorgeous.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 8 Bells-A-Jingling

7.Lena Headey


The ideal Queen

I first clapped my drooling eyes on Ms Headey when I saw her play Queen Gorgo in the movie, 300. Amazingly fit looking body, with stony yet beautiful features. Her face says 'dont-f**k-with-me' but is somehow at the same time alluring and oh so fanciable! Im struggling to prevent myself thinking of her in a photo shoot with only Christmas puddings covering her modesty. (Pervert - concerned Ed)

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 8 Bells-A-Jingling

8. Sanaa Latham


The only person (apart from Elton) who could make a piano look good

Style, elegance and very lushable (its a Welsh thing) Sannaa Latham has it all. She was the sole reason I watched Alien vs Predator about twenty times and I kept thinking 'who IS that girl?' Thanks to the wonders of teh interwebz I soon found out. Please Santa, deliver me a Sanaa!

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 7½ Bells-A-Jingling
(And im docking half a point purely because I couldn't find much photos)


9. Joanna Lumley

Smoking!

Another lady who could claim her free bus pass, Joanna might be 64 but she still sizzles and is my perfect idea of a sex kitten. Bags of style, blessed with stunning looks and a thoroughly great person in regards to human and animal rights. Ms Lumley supported the Gurkha Justice Campaign, and is considered a "national treasure" of Nepal because of her work. Along with Dame Helen Mirren, she's also a British national treasure too and would definately get my baubels glistening.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 8 Bells-A-Jingling

10. Golshifteh Farahani


That legendary Persian beauty

The youngest lady on my list (so far) and what an absolute stunner she is. Golshifteh is a grand example or Persian beauty, boy does get my pulse (among other things) racing. She played a nurse in the 2008 movie, Body Of Lies, and its safe to say that were she at my sickbed I would soon forget about my pains. In fact just thinking about the delectable Ms Farahani in my stocking on Christmas morning has made me forget about my headache.

Festive Phwoaarrrr Factor ~ 8 Bells-A-Jingling