EU: Stick or Twist

In 20 minutes time the voting will be closed. Will we be In or Out and who will be shaking it all about (apologies, couldn't resist). Whatever happens I don't believe qw wsome commentators do, that nothing will be the same again. Of course if it is said to add a touch of drama then I understand but if they genuinely believe it, then no.
Sure things will be icy between the two camps in the immediate aftermath but we are British and have been around a looong time, (hell we could teach history about history) and we are beyond tantrums, these ages forge a wiser bond.

Cold World Shadow

*These topics could almost write themselves these days but certain topics require more than Twitter

Boxing. Whenever a fighter is seriously injured, the ban hammers emerge wielded by the paper party mob (who to be fair have good intentions and there is nothing wrong with that of course). Boxing is a dangerous sport and nobody wants to see young men and women damaged. But a ban? Come now my friends, if we are going to stop something that might lead to harm, then we might as well get started on a pretty long list of eligible sport/hobbies.
Formula 1, motor sport, rugby, rock climbing, horse racing, even football (wouldn't want the precious dears breaking a fingernail now would we). Allow me a sip of tea on this cold Easter monday, oils the cogs. I admit, I am fairly surprised boxing has lasted as long as it has in this soulless, new world of cotton hearts and yoghurt knitters. This is an era of safety first and damn the consequences, to hell with the future James Hunts and Jack Dempseys. Thou shall not follow a path that might lead to a stubbed toe or split lips.
Are ye with me here? This attitude is infinitely the more dangerous. People aren't daft (mostly), we know the risks and simply chucking a few bans around really won't help, all that does is drive the sport underground to the badlands where the few rules that are in place are not enforced, a place where danger is multiplied tenfold. Im sure the staunchest yoghurt knitter wants this?

*****

Ban. Ban this, ban that. It must be hard living a life with hazard lights on. I don't know how they do it, really I don't. But then I have no iron morals to answer to. Its why the anti death, guns, hunting rabble can't get a bead on me online. All the names are true my friends, even the bad ones (hell especially the bad ones). You can't figh a honest reflection. Now obviously I do have morals and right and wrongs but im a poet before all else and in an effort to power up words its essential to play fast and loose with words.

Llawer o Cariad, a pasg hapus/lots of love and happy Easter x

Balls to the Sun

The sun! July! Sun spotted in Britain shocker! In a way I wish it was another post grumbling about the lack of sunshine here in Blighty because in a few weeks (probably days) this will be yesterdays fish & chip parcel but im here now so chip in with my two penn'orth. That's the beauty of teh interwebz, everyone can pile in from the grandest lion right down to the cheeky water vole stirred into life by the current hot gossip (or 'clecs' as we say here in Wales) ringing around the planet. Me? Im more honey badger myself but before Mr Jakes goes all Wind in the Willows I will jump to it with the grace of gazelle and...enough!
The Sun (tabloid newspaper and self appointed moral guardians) has defended its decision to share grainy footage of the Queen and Queen Mother being 'taught' the Nazi salute as a matter of 'historical significance'. Yeah, righto. I will take a punt here but the majority of sensible Brits can cut through the bullsh!t and see it for what it really is - a child doing something they don't understand the significance of. Her Majesty was seven years old for crying out loud! Remember, this was 1933, a good many years before Hitler revealed his true twisted intentions. Easy for us in 2015 and knowing the full horror to comment but the world in 1933 was a different place (apparently the mad führer was Time's 'Man of the Year').

Regular readers of my blogs will know by now that im no great lover of the monarchy, I wouldn't lose sleep if it was binned after the Queen's reign (I'd miss the pomp and ceremony of course). Its not fashionable these days to say it but Elizabeth II has done a sterling job, we've been fortunate here in Britain to have known her. Mark my words, she will be greatly missed when we begin the next chapter in the UK's rich history. Yes, she will.
Ah well, at least we'll get a few laughs from conspiracy theorists who will lap this story up like tramps on cheap cider. I can hear their blogs stirring into life even as I type this now. Jump to it, I could do with a giggle.

Joan Rivers

As is customary these dys, the death of American comedienne Joan Rivers at the age of 81 was announced on Twitter like the mad, new town cryer that social meia has become. Chances are, if there's a story to be told, good and bad, then you'll rread it on Tweetville before BBC or CNN. Its the pulse of a new generation. Joan used it herself, she was one of the only few celebrities I follow on that site (gossip and bickering between two famous clowns isn't my idea of fun).
I will actually miss her Tweets partly because, much like myself, she spoke her mind, offend or please and I greatly admire that. Don't stab folk in the back, give them both barrels in the chest but im in danger of losing my thread of thought here so back to Joan. If you visit her Twitter page now, it lies eerily quiet, like that of late director Michael Winner (another famous Twitter user).
Words at end, reminding us about our oh so fragile mortality. Enjoy every passing minute, life is for the living.
I sent Ms Rivers a mesage via Twitter once. It was on her last birthday, and being a fan of older ladies, I remarked to her of how great she still looked despite being in her eigheieth year. Of course being a global star, having to deal with hundreds of people every day, I wasn't sad I didn't get a reply. Indeed looking back, if she did read it (and these people have egos the size of war ships), she probably thought I was 'trolling' and having a dig at her age.
Well Joanie, if you are able to read blogs from wherever it is you have departed to, know this: I wasn't kidding around, I genuinely thought you beautiful and a rare instance of plastic surgery actually working for a change. It turns most into melted gargoyles more fitting to sit on a cathedral tower than appear on a red carpet but Joan Rivers was different. God knows this planet needs more people unafraid to speak their mind.

Rest in peace Joan, I shall miss ya gorgeous x

Overkill Killing the Times

When Dai Jakes was 15, things were a lot different. There was no interwebz for one, and things like Twitter and Blackberry did what they said on the tin; birds tweeted and blackberries were made into pie and eaten with cream. If you were a fan of anything, you usually had to wait a while to learn whatever it was you were a fan of was doing. For instance Mr Jakes was into heavy metal but had to wait for Metal Hammer or Kerrang! to come out before hearing what Iron Maiden were up to that week.
And you want to know something? I kind of miss it. I could take it in better because it was bite sized. These days I can find out what all the singers and guitarists are doing every five minutes and truth be told its overwhelming. Quite boring too in one way as the BREAKING NEWS plods on in endless Tweets and Facebook feeds. Relentless like a mad typewriter overdosing on words. The excitement has gone, fled no doubt in fear of being drowned by the constant updates.
Now all this is fine if you happen to be a teenager with the enthusiasm those years bring, but to those of us reaching into the scrensavers of our forties, its not so much fun. Of course we can turn off everything and go back to buying weekly magazines but this is the future, the interwebz is here to stay so we might as well get used to information overload. Perhaps this is the trigger that will send mankind all crazy come the much speculated end of the world?
Too much information. It can be very liberating and empowering but there is a danger that it can also lead to stripping of all that was previously mysterious, leaving a bland landscape, devoid of adventure.
Too much information. Approach with care.

**And just to be clear, Dai Jakes loves the web. Being a blog, it is it lifesblood and readers can also find us elsewhere online.

Mr Jakes 2012 Predictions

That sappy Nicholas Cage will die.

Executions will fall again.

Britain will bring back flogging.

Swansea will stay in the premier league.

North Korea will blow itself up.

England will finally become civilized.

Scarlets win the Magners league.

Videogames get accepted as the new film.

Slippers become cool.

Everyone suddenly starts spealking Welsh.

George Lucas dies.

Jesus makes good on his word and pops back for a visit.

So does Satan.

Sharks start to walk the earth.

The compact disc is gone.

Ditto penguins.

Whisky begins flowing from taps (faucets).

Football blows itself up.

Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.

Uwe Boll makes a good film.

Nintendo and Sega merge to form a superpower.

Everyone finally understads British humour.

Colour is spelt COLOUR.

2012 Olympics will be a total disaster.

The Nostradamus Titter

We all know 2011 is going to be a pretty miserable year, thanks to the saps in government (and im a true blue Conservative!) but in an effort to ward off the gloom I am going to read the tea leaves in my breakfast mug to see what the future holds in store.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you *drum roll* the News Headlines of 2011! Complete with commentary from Nostradamus! (Er, that would be Ifan Nostradamws from the Mumbles.)

'Pink Admits She Is A Man!'

Nostradamws says ~ The power of Glengetti believes there is a pretty tidy chance of this happening mun. She cant pass those pins off as female for much longer, or the fact that only transvestites from Cardiff would put make up on like that.


'David Cameron To Meet Lost Twin, Lord Snooty'

Nostradamws says ~ My loevspoons tell me no, on account of Lord Snooty being a comic character from The Beano. But if ever The Beano was to be made into a movie, Dai HAS to have the part.

'Britain Splits from EU'

Nostradamws says ~ The froth from a pint of Felinfoel spells out NO. And wait! Theres more look you, it sees a country in a shambles, the wise have left and remains is crime, yoghurt knitters and cheese.

'Cowell Discovers Actual Singer'

Nostradamws says ~ No.

'Hollywood Magic Returns'

Nostradamws says ~ The crumbs from my Welshcakes say this is a possibility but they must resist the urge to film remakes and mention Wales more, like that bit in Mars Attacks when they dropped Ponty in the script.