Games, Games, Games

Back at the beginning of the 1980's, when I was reaching the age of double digits, the dawn of computer games was also starting to appear, like a twinkling horizon with sickly, bright colours as if to scrub away the gloomy shade of the 70's. Home computers like the Spectrum, Oric, BBC and Commodore 64 were being made available for households and we kids loved them. (Some falling deeper into the craze than others).
My first computer was the Oric 1 which I had Christmas 1983, and with it came my first ever home videogames; Rat Splat! Zorgon's Revenge, Candyfloss & Hangman and Two Gun Turtle. (Im certain Centipede was in that bunch too). And I was Hooked. The lowly Oric had kick started a life long obsession with gaming, which still has me in its digital clutches as I home in on my 40th year on this planet.


And playing and playing and playing

I must have played literally hundreds of different videogames, from Pong right the way through to L.A. Noire, and besides from throwing large sums of cash at games related companies, I have also made a childhood dream turn very real. Back when I was rescuing the princess from the evil Zorgon on Tangerine's computer, or sinking 10p pieces into Double Dragon in the arcades, I used to think how cool it would be to own each and every game I played. (It was a popular wish I can tell you).
Of course it was pure fantasy in those days. Home computers could never replicate the power of arcade cabinets and so we made do with vastly down-sized versions and copies of the arcade hits. I had a Donkey Kong mania when I owned the Oric 1 and can remember my mother buying me a copy of Dinky Kong that was out for it at the time. It was a shambles of a clone but naturally I loved it at the time.
Today things are very different and consoles like the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 can easily bring the likes of Rampage and Kung Fu Master to life without breaking into sweat. And thanks to games publishers who have cottoned onto the fact that retro gaming has become extremely popular, the current generation systems do play the old gems since they appear on numerous Greatest Hits compilations. (Similar to music but better).

Get Zorgon!

The discs contain around 25 games of old, so all I have to do is decide which one I fancy at any given moment. And here is where I decided to go all bloggy on yer web. Choice. When you consider I own 11 different gaming consoles, I must have over 250 videogames in my games library. Something that if you had told my 13 year old self all those moons ago, would have sent me into euphoric raptures! (Or at least given me some kind of gaming vertigo).
Far from being the Heaven I thought it would be, it can be quite frustrating if you're just looking for a game to pass 20 minutes with. I usually spend half that deciding which title to boot up. Will it be Gauntlet, Marble Madness, Smash TV, Yie Ar Kung Fu, Alex Kidd, Arch Rivals, Hunchback, Ghosts n' Goblins.... buzz! Times up! Dinners ready! Believe me this has happened more than once in my house.
But its not a particularly bad situation is it? I cant believe how I almost turned a cool thing into a moan! My 13 year old self has just told me to shut the f**k up and play some of these damned fine games. Peace.

Feeling Porky

Tequila & Swine


Pass Me A Fork

Public Steven Number One

Myself and the former Batcave

When I was growing up most children built dens. Places to escape from nagging parents and play truant from school when the classes offered nothing interesting on a particular day. (Religious studies and gym had me slipping the leash more often than not). Dens were made out of wood, tin sheets, anything you could lay your hands on, including old furniture from skips. And they could be anywhere from a farmers field to the old ash pit ponds that used to be in Burry Port.
My brother and myself, along with a few friends went one step further. One step down in fact. Under the streets and parks of our hometown, under the wheels of speeding cars and thundering trucks. It was cool.
Look at the picture above. Its in Burry Port park and before that mighty slab of concrete was put in place, there was a river there. In the 1950's before I was born, a young boy sadly drowned in it. So it was fenced off and eventually was pipes were laid and it became a sort of giant drain in case of floods. The pipes were big enough for youngsters to walk in (even skateboard) and they ran from the park right down to the harbour.
This was our greatest den. There were no cages or locks like you can see in the photograph, we had free access. Perhaps the council didn't think kids would be daring enough to make underground pipes a den but they hadn't reckoned on our crew of daredevils. We were mad back then, we even free climbed a 100ft quarry without rope and journeyed down a disused mineshaft. But those are other stories.
I am slightly proud to report that those locks were put there because of our antics. Look at the picture once more and theres a satisfied smile playing around my lips. We looked on it as a sort of Batcave and we could disappear for hours underground with nobody having hope of finding us. We could just appear out of nowhere from a wall in the harbour having walked half a mile in near darkness. Hell yes it was cool. Very bloody cool.

Cider Quench

This hit the spot

Lyon's Maid Cider Quench iced lollies. They were around in the 80's and what a fabulous popsicle they were. During the summer when lizards would bask on railway sleepers and the lawn of the local bowls club baked hard as iron, I used to get one of these lollies from Jones' newsagents in Burry Port and eat it on the harbour wall, pretending it was real alcohol I was having.

The Debs Of All Debbies

Retro Princess: Suzanne Snyder

I ♥ the 80's. The videogames, movies, metal music. It felt like we were at the dawn of a new age, and of course we were. Look at the classic games the 1980's spewed from its neon pie hole; Pac Man, Ghosts n' Goblins, Donkey Kong, Paperboy, Gauntlet. I could go on for hours, and that applies to movies too. Most of my favourite movies were made during the 80's including American Ninja, They Live, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and Commando.
The decade also brought the beautiful Suzanne Snyder (above) to the silver screen, most famously in Weird Science (1985) and the totally cool and previously mentioned Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988). My heart reached a few new gears, when my teenage eyeballs saw her play the two Debs in those two films.
Ms Snyder is the entire package for me. A typical American Beauty, Miss Heartbreak '85. She hits all the right notes and could make chalk on a blackboard sound good. Cute, pretty, sweet, gorgeous; the leading light in a cave of otherwise horse faced Sarah Jessica Parker lookalikes. (Or should that be stable?)
I f**king ♥ Suzanne Snyder. If I still owned a pencil case I would stencil "I F**king ♥ Suzanne Snyder" all over it. Funnily enough those two movies are the only things I have ever seen her in. I know she has appeared in other films and shows but ive missed them. Perhaps its better this way because time might not have been kind to her. But I can't imagine that, not when I gaze into the photo above like a frothy schoolkid home alone with his first smutty magazine.

Splinters In Yer Fish!

The chip shop wooden fork. An image as recognisable as Big Ben and as familiar as sand castles. If I find a chippy that uses those white plastic types I turn around and walk out again. Its simple; plastic is not in the equation. To me, a wooden fork is more a key than eating utensil. A key which unlocks all the years I have spent, (spent in the flesh but never in my mind).
Also it is the simple pleasures in Life which make Life worth living and we are comfortable in simple mechanics. There is much warmth in homely poses. And the warm glow of my youth comes racing to the surface whenever I use a chippy fork. I feel nimble and giddy once again so behold! The wooden fork that should be golden!


Classic: The Height of Chippy Sophistication

This post is very much in the spirit of the Dai Jakes Book; indeed it is the perfect example of a Jakes piece of writing. Grasp a thought, any thought and bung it on a page. It doesn't have to be deep philosophy or discussions on classic literature. When I first started a Dai Jakes Book back in school, it was my intention to create a sort of 'diary within a diary'. A scrapbook of pictures more than a journal. Things that seem insignificant, until you see them again closer.

Pulp Television

Over the weekend a vile child killer was stabbed in the eyes by another murderer. Today in the news, the mother of a girl killed by this murderer who dished out the 'jailhouse justice', says she wishes the two killers could have fought until they had both expired. And this got me thinking; wouldn't it be wonderful if convicted killers were made to fight to death?
This is far from a new idea of course, one only has to look to the Colosseum in Rome and films like The Running Man to know that. Even videogames have have it covered with games like Smash TV (see pic).

A Smash Hit

But I would support this if it were ever made into reality. (It never would of course but we can dream). Two convicted murderers battling until death! And stepping away from the usual Hollywood script, there would never be the slightest chance of freedom for those who were triumphant in the arena. No, they would still be murderers and murderers need to be kept behind bars. Perhaps they could have a little extra chow at meal times or something? Free shower time maybe? I hear peace in prison showers is highly sought after, especially in American jails where convicts are more inclined to...erm you know what I mean.
It would draw millions of pounds/dollars if it aired on Pay Per View (as would live executions) and this money could go into victims charities.
The only downside would be stardom. Roman gladiators became superstars back in the day of the Colosseum so care would have to be taken to make sure this didn't happen with the inmates. Actually no, scrap that. Would anyone really hero worship a convicted child killer simply becuase they were forced to fight for our viewing pleasure? I doubt it.
This might be what one would call a barbaric idea but don't forget; coming up with ideas like this is in our nature. Look at our history.